Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!

Some little kids are on hand to play piano and dance. The thing I love about these little dancers is that these are the future Dereks and Juliannes and Marks. They were all competing at this age; you can see them on YouTube. If this show is somehow still on the air in ten years, you can bet these will be the pros. And I like when the little kids do dances like the jive, because it seems age-appropriate. I don't like when they do the rumba or the tango. It gives me the creeps. So this was cute.

John Legend is back with The Roots to perform "Ordinary People." You know, the one John Legend song that you know. Mark dances a sort of lyrical dance with a woman named Jeannine who I don't know but other people might. It's lovely.

DanceCenter! Brandy is up next. They make fun of her for only having one name. I thought her last name was Norwood. Then they make a couple of jokes about how her name is an alcoholic beverage. Lame. Jennifer is the last star to be discussed. Kenny accuses her of faking injuries, and then they show how Derek rocks her every week like a baby while they are waiting for results. Okay, that was a little bit funny. But overall, lame. Didn't this segment used to be funny? And kind of scandalous, like they would say shit we were all thinking, but few would imagine would be said on the show? Am I imagining that?

Last night, Mark messed up in the Instant Dance, but honestly, do you think the routine would have been that much better if he had performed flawlessly? Or the judges' scores? And then Brandy and Maks took four eight-counts to start their routine and Carrie Ann called them on it. And Maks didn't think that Brandy should be penalized for a mistake in the choreography. Is it really possible to separate them? And also, did he miss the part where they got three 9s for that routine?

Results: Bristol and Mark are safe. BULL SHIT! Sorry. And Brandy and Maks are in jeopardy. I guess if I'm going to get this upset about the results, I should actually vote once in a while.

So it will be either Kurt or Brandy going home. And they must have time to fill, because they ask the judges about who will be eliminated. Bruno says that Kurt is a true gentleman and sportsman. Carrie Ann thinks Brandy is exquisite, strong, artistic, and passionate. And then Carrie Ann goes off on a tangent to say that she respects all of the pros. No one cares, people. Solve your problems off the air. And then they run out of time, so we don't get to hear Len claim that they should both stay. And to no one's surprise, Kurt and Anna are going home. BOOOOOO! The judges should feel ashamed. Kurt is classy right to the end, remembering to thank his wife first, then his kids, then Anna, and then the fans. He doesn't thank the judges, I note. Everyone cheers for Kurt, "MVP." Aw. I liked Kurt. I only hope Bristol goes next week. I feel like I say that every week, though. The judges will have to do that thing where they give her ridiculously low scores to get her off.

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Dancing With The Stars




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