Dancing With The Stars
Season 12 Performance 10: Results

Episode Report Card
Kim: B | Grade It Now!
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Dance to the Music

It's the finale! The winner will be crowned! And the whole time I will be sitting here with my fingers crossed that one of my twins doesn't wake up and require care, so I can get this bloated two-hour mess recapped and submitted before tomorrow morning! Although, if you don't mind, I'm going to uncross my fingers, because otherwise typing is difficult.

Oh my God, this opening is so cheesy. First of all, the music is a straight-up Explosions in the Sky rip-off (I'm assuming the show didn't pay for the real thing) so all of a sudden I'm wishing I were watching one of the entire season's worth of Friday Night Lights episodes I have recorded and haven't had time to watch yet. Anyway. Tom very seriously intones a script that is barely a step above the middle school debate club tactic of "Webster's Dictionary defines a journey as..." Like they have the definition on the screen and everything. And then we're supposed to think very hard about how difficult it has been for these stars, who are being paid tens of thousands of dollars, to dance. Look, one thing I usually enjoy about this show is that it doesn't take itself very seriously. Until now.

The show opens with a number featuring all of the eliminated pros plus the pro troupe (I guess? I still don't recognize them but there are some extra pros, so I guess that's who they are). Then all of the eliminated celebrities join their pro and they each get a little moment in the sun. I am reminded why some of the early eliminees were eliminated so early.

Tom and Brooke welcome us to the show. Brooke reminds us that the finalists have one more dance, which the judges will score. Generally, they give all three of them the same score though, but last season they didn't. I don't know that a point or two from the judges will make a difference at this point, will it? I was never much good at math, especially when there are percentages involved.

Let's look back at last night! Chelsea got high scores for her samba, and then had to get wired up for the stupid hand and foot lights that Mark concocted. They don't show it, but apparently the battery pack for Chelsea's lights came unfastened and nearly fell out her pant leg, so the whole time she was dancing, she was hoping it wouldn't go flying off and whack Mark or an audience member in the head. That kind of makes her dance more impressive.

Then Maks and Kirstie also did a samba. People on the forums were mentioning that Maks seems a little disconnected these past few weeks, and I totally see it. I don't know if he's tired, or tired of Kirstie, or what's going on. Anyway, they didn't get great scores.

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Dancing With The Stars

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