Dancing With The Stars
Season 12 Performance 2

Episode Report Card
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Full Time Dancer
really hesitant and wobbly. Her legs look like they're going to snap. She just doesn't seem to have the core strength and it makes me nervous to watch her, and I'm not seeing a lot of musicality. It's uncomfortable throughout. I think she'll always be fine in a slower dance (waltz, etc.) but always have trouble with the faster ones. Judges? Bruno thought she was beautiful, but she needs to work on her core strength (wow, am I predicting the judges or what?). Carrie Ann liked her kicks and flicks, but she needs to work on her core. Len thought she had bad technique but it was done beautifully. Petra has to kiss Tom and each of the judges. Well, I hope she's not planning on doing that every week, although I'm sure the producers weren't sad to get a shot of her bending over the judges' table. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6 for a total of 18.

Kirstie and Maks don't get the pimp spot this week (a.k.a. the final spot of the night, which is right before most people decide to call in and vote). Kirstie was really happy with their scores last week, but now she has to learn the quickstep, and she's worried that she won't be quick enough. And then she talks about weight loss but honestly, I'm kind of over hearing Kirstie Alley talk about weight loss. Lose it or don't, but I don't want to hear about it.

Here's the problem with this routine: It's not the choreography. It's not the execution. Both are very good. Kirstie's footwork is nearly flawless and she's graceful. I just think their strength as a couple is their chemistry and sense of humor and neither are in evidence here. Either be funny or be sexy. Instead, it's a really chaste, boring, well-executed quickstep. Technically good, but should have been so much better. Judges? Carrie Ann loves how in tune Kirstie is with her body and with Maks. Len thought it was light and fluffy and they lost energy near the end. Bruno tells her she's talented and she shouldn't worry about her weight. He noted that she lost energy when she messed up a bit, and she needs to just keep going. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7 for a total of 20. Kirstie says backstage that Maks has been telling her all week that she was losing energy at the end, so that was no surprise to hear.

Mike (who?) and Lacey came in last place last week. And since he has little pre-existing fanbase compared to the others, he has a lot of work to do. So Mike knows his jive has to really wow the audience. In rehearsals, Mike admits that he does goofy stuff in rehearsals because he doesn't know what to do. It's really bothering me that Lacey doesn't seem to be correcting his horrible pigeon-toed stance. I'm surprised that the producers, once again, went for the goofy package instead of trying to make us feel for Mike. He has to have a sob story in him somewhere.

Their jive starts with Mike on stage holding a guitar. I know Len will hate that. It's a very... athletic jive. When they are not in hold (which is most of the dance), Mike doesn't look bad. His kicks and flicks are sharp (if pigeon-toed) and Lacey put a lot of business in to hide that he can't dance in hold at all and has no rhythm. It's better than last week, and it's not boring. Mostly because I was pretty sure he was going to kick her in the face on live television, but that's something. Aw, and Dr. Drew is in the hizzy. Len agrees that it was better than last week, if a bit rough, and it made him smile. Bruno thought there were a few moments that were very good, and he needs to maintain it. Carrie Ann wants him to think about the whole routine instead of the various sections. I really don't get Lacey's hair. Is it extensions? Why would you put in such terrible looking extensions? Why doesn't she go back to brunette? Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17.

Romeo and Chelsie had some good moves last week, but the judges felt he needed to work on his technique. What he needs to work on is getting over himself and not trying to be "the man" all the time. The problem is that this week, he has the quickstep, which is not the coolest looking dance. Chelsie works on teaching him to be a gentleman on the dance floor instead of being a flirt all the time.

They dance to "You're The One That I Want" from Grease and... it's cute. Romeo has good posture and there are times when it looks more than good, actually. But they don't have any chemistry together, at least in this dance. I just want Romeo to be more charming. He looks a bit like a younger (and much shorter) Will Smith, and that's the kind of charisma he needs. He has to project it more. I don't know if he's nervous or unsure or what, but he's good and he could be REALLY good. Maybe he will do better with Latin. Judges? Bruno thought he had easy moves and great musicality, and he could be brilliant. Carrie Ann thinks Romeo has a certain style, but she wants him to work on his posture and his dynamics. Len says that it was the best dance of the night. Really? Maybe it played better in the room, or maybe my cold is affecting my judgment. I really think I would have liked that dance better if I could breathe through my nose. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23.

Weirdly, Wendy Williams was found to be lacking in personality during her routine last week, which is probably something she's never been accused of off the dance floor. She vows to bring more to the table this week. As they rehearse the quickstep, Wendy doesn't like all the bouncing around because it's making her boobs bounce too much. Wendy! Strap that shit DOWN! Get a good sports bra, or a corset, or something! If that's what's making her movements so small, she needs to handle her situation. Girl, please. Anyway, Tony promises a more powerful Wendy.

I'm trying to find a word to describe this routine. Schizophrenic? It begins and ends with a little skit, and during those segments, Wendy shows a lot of personality. But as soon as they start dancing, she pastes this giant smile on her face and her expression doesn't change. And her feet are SO SLOW. I think this is why she seemed so timid last week -- she's just not a good dancer and she doesn't know how to cover it up by acting her way out of it. She's not an actor either, is the problem. Poor Tony. I mean, he's steering her around like a battleship. It's better than last week, because it feels like she's putting in an effort, but she's just not good and doesn't show much potential. Judges? Carrie Ann thanks Wendy for showing some personality, but says that she lost some steam in the middle. Len thought it was an improvement. Bruno liked to see her having a good time, and just wants to see more movement. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17.

Ralph and Karina wowed everyone last week with their unexpectedly good cha cha. This week, they have the jive. Karina tries to get Ralph to let loose and have fun instead of think everything through. Ralph brings in his teenage kids. Aw, the boy is named Daniel. That can't be a coincidence, right? His one daughter tells him not to overthink it. She's a smartie, Ralph. Listen to the girl.

Okay, here's what I love about Ralph's dancing -- it has intensity. Sometimes maybe a little too much intensity, but he goes out there and gives it his all. He does almost seem like he's grinding his teeth with the intensity at one point. Now he needs to take that intensity and combine it with a sense of fun, because I think he screws up at one point and then the fun leaves and the grinding intensity takes over. That said, it was really good. I actually hope they get the encore dance tomorrow (they won't) because I would love to see him do this routine with no stakes. I bet it would be awesome. Len says that it was okay, but he needs to dial the attack back a little bit. Bruno says that Ralph is likable and he gets into character, but he needs to watch his precision. Carrie Ann wants Ralph to step up his game by being sharper and less muddy. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.

The final dancer this week is Hines Ward. Wow, I forgot there was another dancer. I was ready to start wrapping it up. And I liked Hines last week when he did the cha cha. This week, they have the quickstep, and Hines struggles with the fame because his shoulders are weak from repeated football injuries. But he perseveres, and even teaches Australian Kym some slang like "shorty" and "crunk." It's like a romantic comedy.

Damn, y'all! Hines has got some moves! His quickstep is incredibly smooth and graceful. I can't find much wrong with it, to be honest. Technically, it looks really good. My only complaint would be that, in parts, he's not connected to Kym. In certain segments, he is and it's great. He needs to carry that through the whole routine. Judges? Bruno is thrilled, and says Hines had ease and confidence, and their chemistry is good. Carrie Ann thinks Emmitt Smith will have to retire his title of Twinkle Toes. Len thought the frame was terrific, and he maintained it and had good movement. Meanwhile, the whole time Len is talking, Carrie Ann and Bruno are high fiving and giggling behind his back. They are drunk. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8 for a total of 23. Where did Len's 7 come from? I wish he had longer to talk because I don't get why he took that point off.

Interesting -- everyone did better this week, score-wise, except for Ralph,

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Dancing With The Stars

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