Then there's a stupid package about the conspiracy riddling the show. Mike Catherwood (a.k.a. that guy we don't remember anymore) introduces clips of Hines farting and Chelsea losing her bra. Kirstie berates Maks for being too cocky. He insists he's not, then describes himself as "sex on a stick -- a stick that's been dipped in a boiling pot of sex." We also get clips of Bruno and Carrie Ann being big old prissypants, which annoys the bejesus out of Len. Finally, we get a clip of Mike showing his underwear. He pretends to be angry, but he got three free minutes out of the fact that he sucked and didn't have fans, so I'd say he's ahead.

Tom and Brooke rightly note that they got off easy on that package as they introduce this week's Macy's American Dream, choreographed by and starring Step Up's Jamal Sims and set to Janelle Monae's "Tightrope." And this, my friends, is why professional choreographers exist. It's a five-minute New Yorkstravaganza that goes from a man's arrival to the city to his rise to the top. Seriously, he goes from jeans and tank top to a three-piece suit. It's like a 2011 version of Singin' in the Rain's "Broadway Melody". Seriously, watch it online.

Finally under the gun for elimination are the three couples who tied for last place. Petra says she's distracted by Maks. Kendra is proud to have been the 1,000th dance. And Ralph thinks dancing first may have hurt him since he was the one setting the bar for the night. We see a clip package of their performances as they head out to the stage. Petra apologized to Dmitry right after their performance. Ralph asked whether Bruno had "fire down below" and promised to bring more sex if Bruno brings the right scores. And, even though Louis ripped his pants right before their performance, Kendra thought she did her best job yet. But was it enough? The first couple deemed safe is Ralph and Karina. Also safe? Kendra and Louis. Which means Petra and Dmitry are in the bottom three.

During the commercial break, an audience member gave Len a Grumpy muggy from Snow White. And speaking of grumps, it's time for another Toby Keith performance. Jonathan Roberts and Anna Trebunskaya perform a lyrical, lovely rumba-waltz fusion to his "American Soldier."