Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 2: Results

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Sibling Rivalry

Did you guys see that Nancy Grace denied that she had a nip slip last night? I mean, flat out said that there was nothing hanging out of her dress. Okay, look. I was kind of glossing over it last night because I felt bad, even though it was NANCY GRACE, but come on. I rewound and paused and that was a nipple. I'm no dummy. Does she not understand that we live in the age of DVRs and screen caps and high definition? I think I saw five screen caps of her business posted before midnight last night. I don't get why she would deny it. Unless she just wanted the publicity? But she seemed honestly humiliated. I have officially spent too much time thinking about this so I'm going to move on, because it's not like the show will address it one way or the other.

The opening number is male pros dancing to "Are You Gonna Go My Way" by Lenny Kravitz. They split up into groups: Maks, Tony and random troupe member dance first, then Mark and Derek, then Val, Tristan and other random troupe member. The troupe member with Maks and Tony is so clearly inferior to those two, in both dance moves and charisma. If they want to light a fire under the existing pros and make them fear for their jobs, they need to recruit better understudies. This guy can't hold a candle to the existing pros. Derek and Mark, of course, do a more contemporary routine and Mark shouldn't dance next to Derek because he may be a better dancer but Derek has loads more charisma. They end by huddling around Carrie Ann and whatever. I think there are some attractive guys on this show but that routine left me cold for some reason. Too muddled.

Let's see some results. David Arquette was apparently staring at Kym's boobs instead of rehearsing right before his number, which might explain his manic energy. Carson was worried that their scores were 666. Anna seemed more worried that they might be going home. So are these guys safe or in jeopardy? Carson and Anna are safe, but David and Kym are in jeopardy.

Time for the encore performance, which they actually did in the pre-show last week. This week, Ricki and Derek get to dance on the results show proper. Watching this routine again, I still don't see much jive in there. Lots of groins rubbing, and look, I'm not against that. But I want more jive in my jive. Ricki also needs to work on her posture. She can fudge it a little in a jive, but when she gets to more ballroom, she'll get dinged for that, probably.

Then there's a parody of MTV's Cribs, showing off the rehearsal space. Ricki and Derek journey through Studio 1, which everyone wants because it's the exact dimensions of the performance area. It's also where Tony quit and Kym got dumped on her head. Kristin shows off the kitchen (where there's a medical kit with Jennifer Grey's name on it, ha ha), and Chynna shows the spray tanning area (and "catches" Tony in his underwear). Carson tours the costume area, and I could seriously watch an entire show of just him vamping with various costumes. Elisabetta sits in a blow-up pool and has Val deliver her a drink. David Arquette hits golf balls off the roof. The end! That was a decent idea with piss poor execution, like most of the bits on this show.

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Dancing With The Stars

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