Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 3

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
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My Favorite Year

Hope and Maks didn't get great scores for their jive last week. Hope says that this year has been her most memorable year because she went to the World Cup. Maks works with her in rehearsals on how to be sexy while doing the cha cha. So what does the cha cha have to do with going to the World Cup and losing? I'm not sure I see the thread here. Anyway, Hope is really just not naturally a sexy dancer. I'm sure she is very sexy in real life. She's got a beautiful face and is in great shape, but she doesn't know how to move her hips in a way that's sexy. She kind of looks like she has to poop. I'm sorry. And then she tries to make a sexy face but she does that Miley Cyrus taking a picture of yourself with your cell phone duck lips thing? You know? Like every Facebook photo of your fourteen-year-old niece and her friends? That face. It's not sexy. So poopy pants duck lips is going to do the cha cha.

Oh my God, she's actually doing the duck lips during the routine. I was hoping that was something she was trying in rehearsal but Maks told her to stop. Nope. She does it through the whole dance. It looks awful. And her dancing is really not good either. She doesn't look too bad while she's in hold, but when she's not, her posture goes all too hell and her hip action just looks awkward and...kind of masculine? Like she puts her legs way too far apart. I feel like this would have been a good week for Maks to bring in a woman to help her understand how women should do these types of moves. She gets off beat near the end and it's kind of a disaster. Her outfit doesn't help -- it's all black tulle and patterned stockings. This one should have gone back to the drawing board. Oh, and I just remembered it was supposed to tell some sort of story. I guess it's the story of how a duck learned to wear a tutu? That's what I got, anyway. Judges? Carrie Ann thinks it was sexy, but Hope needs to work on her walk with less strength and more femininity. Len thought it was a little raunchy, but the technique was there. Bruno tries to give her tips on how to walk better, because he thinks that needs work too. Maks seems a little annoyed, but he does show how to walk sexy on his way to talk to Brooke. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 8. Am I drunk? I am not seeing what the judges are seeing.

You guys, Len is dancing tomorrow night. I could not be more excited about that.

David and Kym have the rumba. David tries to decide what his most memorable year was, whether it was when his daughter was born, or when his mother or father died. But he decided to choose this past year, because his marriage fell apart and he started drinking to numb the pain. But the good that came out of it was that he took a hard look at himself and realized he needed to get his shit together for his daughter. Why am I so touched by this when I was left so cold by Nancy Grace's story about her kids? I think you just root for David Arquette, even though historically, he's been kind of a fuck-up. Or maybe because of that.

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Dancing With The Stars

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