Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 4

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Celluloid Dreams

To celebrate movie week, Tom's voiceover is done in dramatic movie trailer voiceover fashion. It took me a minute to figure that out, because this show is always cheesy and over the top. Brooke is wearing a gown that has one sleeve off-the-shoulder and it just looks like it doesn't fit right and is flopping down instead of being purposeful. Who does her wardrobe? It is pretty consistently awful. I wonder how much say she has in her outfits.

The show must be running short tonight because the opening feels twice as long as usual. You know, the part where the band goes, "Ba ba ba ba ba ba baaaa, ba ba ba ba baaaa." It goes ON AND ON. Like I was checking my Twitter feed, waiting for the actual show to start and finally I looked up and thought, "Really? It's still going on? Okay."

Louis, Val, Peta and the lame troupe are on hand to do a dance tribute to the movies. Nice to see Louis back in the fold. They start out with a paso doble to the tune of the theme from all the Clint Eastwood spaghetti westerns like For a Few Dollars More. Then the dudes take off their shirts and dance to...oh, it's so familiar. What is this the theme to? I can't place it. Something military. [The theme song to The Great Escape - RS.] Then the Star Wars theme starts and the men take out light sabers. No, not their ding-dongs. Actual light sabers. And the lights go down, and there is a battle. It's quite silly. How do they do this with a straight face? What's weird is that, at the very end, one of the couples from the troupe leaves the floor before the final note even ends and runs up the stairs. Did something happen? That was weird.

Chynna and Tony are up first this week with the tango. Chynna really struggles during rehearsals, with Tony having to repeat instructions multiple times and getting frustrated with her. Chynna admits that she's so anxious to get the routine down that she gets in the way of Tony's teaching. I don't know. Tony seems like a dick.

Tom is nearly swallowed by fog while he introduces Tony and Chynna, and also explains that each couple will have a little extra time to do a skit or something related to the movie that their music comes from. In this case, that means that Tony is lowered from the ceiling like Tom Cruise in the first Mission Impossible film. They maybe should have extended that part because once they start dancing, it all goes to hell. Chynna acts like she doesn't know ANY of the steps. She's constantly on the wrong foot, or using the wrong arm, or facing the wrong way. I mean, it seriously looks like she's never done this routine before. Her frame and posture are good but there's hardly any tango because Chynna forgot all of the steps. Tony tries to help her out; you can see him murmuring to her and trying to guide her by grabbing her arm, but it's bad. I don't know what was supposed to happen in the end, but the cameraman ends up focusing on a shot of Tony's back. Maybe Chynna was supposed to slide through his legs or something? She finishes by posing on the judges' table. Dude. That was hard to watch.

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Dancing With The Stars

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