Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 5: Results

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Goodbye My Friend

As the show opens, we get one last blast back to '80s night, with a dance by some members of the troupe, along with Val and Peta, to "Like a Virgin." I had already forgotten that Peta existed. I am fickle. These pro dancers are waaaaay too smiley for this song. It's supposed to be sexy and seductive, right? Like Madonna in the video or in her iconic performance at the VMAs? Instead, it's all teeth and hair. The song segues into "Like a Prayer" and I'm going to call foul because I remember listening to this single on my Walkman (my friend had the cassingle and I borrowed it) on the bus ride home on my senior trip, which would have been spring of 1990. Although I guess the album came out in '89, so they got me on a technicality. They bring out a gospel choir, as they are required to by law when performing this song in public. Although it's a pretty skimpy gospel choir; there are only like twelve singers. Not impressed.

Len has something to say about this season so far. He claims that this season is crazy, because usually when people go home early, they had another week or two at best. But Len believes that Kristin or Chynna could have made the finals, and people moan about it in public, but then it turns out that they didn't vote. So Len tells them to cram it sideways. He doesn't, but he should. Seriously, who is stopping Len in public to complain about the results? Probably no one, but if you are, leave an old man alone to have his lunch in peace.

Results! Ricki claims that she didn't get to wear a prom dress as a teen because she was too fat. Okay. We've got to put an end to this right now. I'm so sick of Ricki's bullshit sizeist attitude. I remember when she was a teen and young adult, and she was all, "It doesn't matter what size you are! Being cool is more than the number on the label!" And lots of chubby girls adopted her as their savior because this was before the Internet, when you could find websites to explain that healthy people come in all sizes. It was a big deal. And then she lost the weight, and if it was for health reasons, or whatever, good for her. But she had to go and talk in every interview about how she hated being fat and she hated her body and...she blew any good will she had generated in her earlier days. And I see she still hasn't gotten the memo. It is FINE if she wants to say that she personally wasn't healthy at that weight, but to make it out like she was unable to function as a human being and a woman because she was carrying around a hundred extra pounds or whatever is horseshit and it does a huge disservice to woman who are larger than average but still manage to live their lives while trying to make healthy choices each day, even if that doesn't result in the number on the scale getting smaller. I just feel like she rode this wave of size-acceptance on the way up the fame scale, and once she got to the top, she pretended it didn't exist. And for someone who campaigns so hard for women to have choices and be educated about them when it comes to childbirth, you'd think she would know better about how women are treated in this society, and how harmful some attitudes can be to young women. Okay, I put my soapbox back under my couch, but that's been bugging me since the beginning of the season. Oh, poor you, Ricki. You didn't get to wear a prom dress. You only starred in a movie and got your own talk show. Jesus.

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Dancing With The Stars

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