Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 5: Results

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Goodbye My Friend

The Band Perry is on hand to perform their number one song. Really? Well, it sounds country, which may explain my unfamiliarity with it. Louis and Karina come out to dance to it.

Before he danced, Rob said that he wanted to get at least one 9, and he did. Karina and JR were thrilled with their scores as well. Kym and David stayed in their punk character complete with British accents for a while after their dance, and then David complained that he stays knotted up inside too much and then fell off his chair? I'm a little worried about him. Anyway, are those three couples safe or in jeopardy? JR and Karina and Rob and Cheryl are safe. David and Kym are in jeopardy.

Kelly Clarkson is back to sing "Walkaway." Love this song. Except Mark and his stupid spats are back to dance to it. Ugh. Nice to know that he over dances his pro partners just as much as he does to his non-pro partners. It's not as noticeable since the pros can keep up with him, but he adds in all these flourishes and unnecessary Michael Jackson moves. I really can't stand him. Even more so since I saw that he did some questionnaire in, I think, People, and he said he really admired Kurt Cobain, and that if he ever had a daughter, he would name her Nirvana. I think Kurt Cobain would hate that. Can you imagine, Kurt is all peaceful in the afterlife (if you believe in such things) and he's like, "Who? A professional dancer? And he named his kid what? WHY?" Also, even without the band association, it's just a stupid fucking name.

We get to hear the judges' conversation for the beginning of Nancy and Tristan's dance last night, and Bruno was super into the storyline of the whole thing. Before he danced, Chaz complained about having the same dance as JR. That would be tough, but he needs to have a better attitude. Afterwards, Chaz and Lacey giggle about the fact that Chaz's fly was open the whole time. Carson loved '80s week. He says that he'd rather be fun and make mistakes than be perfect and boring. No offense, Carson, but I don't think you have it in you to be perfect OR boring. God bless you. So which of these three couples are definitely coming back next week? Chaz and Lacey, along with Nancy and Tristan, will be back next week. Carson and Anna are in jeopardy.

Finally, the results. I feel like this episode has gone on forever. The three couples in jeopardy are at the top of the stairs: David and Kym, Hope and Maks, and Carson and Anna. And David and Kym are safe. Thank God. I want to see what David does going forward. So who is going home of the remaining two? Carson and Anna. Aw. But honestly. Chaz should go home soon, but Carson was not a good dancer. He was a lot of fun, and very entertaining, but if he made it much longer, it would have become a problem for me. Carson thanks everyone, especially Anna. He says the experience was "pure joy." Brooke asks Carson to come back and spend time with them. She obviously doesn't know how many people want Carson to take Brooke's job. I would actually watch the interview segments if Carson was conducting them. Come on, producers. I don't know if he would do it, but the show would be SO much better. We wouldn't have Brooke backstage going, "How does that make you feeeeeel?" Ugh. She's terrible. Anyway, goodbye Carson. You will be missed.

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Dancing With The Stars

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