Dancing With The Stars
Season 13 Performance 9

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Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Triple Play

Tonight, the stars have three dances. Three! Even if one is a relay, that's still a lot to learn, especially for a group where multiple members (Ricki, Hope) still seem to be relying on their partners a LOT to get through even one dance. Thank God Nancy's gone because Tristan would have to drag her around the floor. And while I think Chynna was a better dancer than, say, Hope, can you imagine her dealing with the stress of three dances? She would have to go back to rehab.

Last week, Len went completely nuts and gave high marks to Hope and Maks even though her technique was terrible and she had no musicality. I think Len was just happy to see Hope showing some energy and pizzazz for once. In rehearsals, Maks and Hope are practicing a lot of lifts and throws for the Argentine tango and Hope reveals that her entire shoulder basically came out and was reattached with pins at some point in her soccer career. That seems like it would hurt A LOT. And the way Maks is throwing her around while holding onto her bad arm probably isn't helping. So her doctor comes and gives her a shot with a giant needle and she hopes that will get her through the next round. I hope she doesn't lose all feeling in her shoulder and then Maks tears her arm off and he's just dancing around holding the bloody stump. Actually, I secretly kind of do hope that happens. It would certainly be more interesting than their actual dance.

Maks and Hope have the paso doble. Hope starts the dance in chains and she looks really fierce for the first third or so. She's pushing Maks around. Here's the problem - she's just not a good dancer. There is no fluidity to her movements. She's just stomping around the dance floor and flinging her arms about while scowling. I will say that her performing ability has improved greatly over the course of the season; she really gets into the character of the dance these days. But her dancing ability has not improved. She's so flat-footed with no hip action at all. So probably the judges will love it, since I hated it.

Judges? Len leads by saying that it's amazing to do three dances in one week for everyone. He tells Hope that she had great attack and attitude, but she lost finesse and technique. Bruno agrees that her dance had energy but lacked artistry and control. Carrie Ann thought she nailed the character of the dance, but she lost her shape when she was in hold. Carrie Ann adds that she admires Hope for coming this far (but fails to add, "since we all thought you'd be out in like the third week.") The judges actually agreed with me! Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, Bruno 7. Wow. Those are low. I really thought she'd at least get 8s. Brooke gives Maks a chance to react and he claims he's happy and loves everyone. He's clearly either learned a lesson or got spanked for his insubordination. I don't know why he has to go whole hog either way. There is such a thing as diplomacy. He could say, "Well, obviously we always want the highest scores possible, but we're urging our fans to call in and help us out!" Right? Memorize that phrase, Maks.

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Dancing With The Stars

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