Sherri is partnered with Val. Oof, two people I don't love. Well, maybe they'll go home early. They have the foxtrot first, and Sherri is worried because she doesn't feel like she can do elegant. Also, would someone please help her find a better bra? Because she's got huge hooters and they could look so much better if she had a better bra.

She's a good performer. She's all smiles and she's having fun with it. And she IS elegant at times, despite her worries. She needs strength in her core, I think, because she wobbles a bit on the turns, and she needs more precision in her footwork. But overall, it wasn't awful.

Judges? Carrie Ann loved the joy Sherri brought to her dance. Len thought it was "fun, fun, fun." Bruno thought her timing was good, and she lit up the room. Sherri won't stop squealing and kissing people, and that's going to get old FAST. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Way too high. She should not be tied for first. And she's squealing and yelling about Jesus, and oh Lord.

Melissa Gilbert. There are few people who were bigger Little House fans than I was. Those of you who've followed me on this site for a while may remember my Most Awesome Thing I Saw On TV Last Week segments, and they frequently featured episodes of Little House. I freaking loved that show, and Laura. (And the books, which I read first, but that's a whole other story). That said, something about Melissa Gilbert these days just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know if it's the plastic surgery or what, but she bugs me. I did read her autobiography (which is fairly juicy) and I'm still kind of meh. Win me back, Half-Pint! Anyway, her partner is Maks, and my feelings for him after last season are similarly complex, so we'll see how this goes.

They have the cha cha. Oh, poor Melissa. She's trying, bless her. But she seems really tentative when she does the steps. And her posture is bad. She dances like a Broadway dancer, not a ballroom dancer. And Maks tried to make it really sexy and she just doesn't have the goods. I was just expecting more. She does well with the facial expressions, and I bet she will do better next week with a slower dance, but this was not great, especially coming after Roshon and Donald.