Dancing With The Stars
Season 14, Performance 1

Episode Report Card
Kim: A- | Grade It Now!
Did He Do That?

They have the cha cha. Okay, there's something really weird going on with his feet and I can't pinpoint it. I think he's just not precise in how he places them, and lets them slide around like he's moonwalking. He does actually moonwalk at one point. That said, he can really move, but it's all a little too frantic and goes by too quickly for me to judge whether or not he's doing the actual routine. It's flashy, and he could be really good, but I don't know how he will do with something like the waltz. He doesn't seem to have the strength to create a good frame.

Judges? Bruno loved how sharp he was on the beat. Carrie Ann loved his spinning and his "cool youthful flava." Stop trying to be hip, Carrie Ann. Len thought he could really dance, but Len wanted more cha cha cha. Me too, Len. Me too. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. I guess that's fine. I seriously don't know how to score him because everything went by so quickly. And I can't get over his weird feet.

Sherri Shepherd. Oy. I have such mixed feelings about her. On the one hand, there's nothing I love more than when she said, "Haaaa-am" on 30 Rock. On the other hand, she's an idiot. I have a real problem with people who are in a position to give their opinions who are ignorant. Not just dumb, ignorant. And I'm not talking about her religious beliefs; I have no problem with that. But she has said some really ignorant things on The View, and girl, sit down and read a paper once in a while. Or a blog. Something. Read something. Anyway.

Sherri is partnered with Val. Oof, two people I don't love. Well, maybe they'll go home early. They have the foxtrot first, and Sherri is worried because she doesn't feel like she can do elegant. Also, would someone please help her find a better bra? Because she's got huge hooters and they could look so much better if she had a better bra.

She's a good performer. She's all smiles and she's having fun with it. And she IS elegant at times, despite her worries. She needs strength in her core, I think, because she wobbles a bit on the turns, and she needs more precision in her footwork. But overall, it wasn't awful.

Judges? Carrie Ann loved the joy Sherri brought to her dance. Len thought it was "fun, fun, fun." Bruno thought her timing was good, and she lit up the room. Sherri won't stop squealing and kissing people, and that's going to get old FAST. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Way too high. She should not be tied for first. And she's squealing and yelling about Jesus, and oh Lord.

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Dancing With The Stars




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