Dancing With The Stars
Season 14, Performance 1

Episode Report Card
Kim: A- | Grade It Now!
Did He Do That?

Martina Navratilova is a tennis legend. Obviously, I know who she is, but I don't know much about her beyond tennis and she's a lesbian. And I expect her to be a little stiff. Her partner is Tony. When they meet, Martina confesses that she's scared of high heels and she hasn't worn a dress in twenty years. And she's insecure about trying to be feminine. Aw, I'm rooting for her.

They have the foxtrot. Martina looks fucking terrified. She can't stop looking at Tony to make sure she's doing the right thing. And while she's definitely stiff, she's not ungraceful at times. She's not going to win this thing, but it's not hard to watch her, at all. And man, is she glammed up.

Judges? Carrie Ann says that she was beautiful, and elegant, and refined, but she needs to work on her turns. Len thought it was close, but not quiet there, because it was a little too careful and she needs to attack the dance. Len's right. So we'll see how she does with the jive. Bruno tells her that she's stunning, although I'm a little uncomfortable with the "never looked better" which kind of implies that she can only be beautiful if she basically dresses in drag. But gender politics aside, Bruno says that she needs to extend her moves through her arms. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. That might be generous.

Katherine Jenkins is an international classical singer. I've never heard of her. I think she may have performed on this show before? I usually tune out the performances unless they're really incredible or it's someone I already know. Classical singing is not typically my bag. Her partner is Mark Ballas, who I can't stand for reasons detailed in every other weecap I've written about this show. Katherine is worried because she's used to singing but not dancing, and people in this country don't know her well.

They have the foxtrot. She's really good, but really, really bland. Like I can't point to one thing that was wrong with her performance technically, but I was bored to tears. She has no personality. Maybe I'm just tired.

Judges? Len liked her musicality and lyrical movement, but she needs to lift her upper body in hold. Bruno thought it was exquisite, stylish, and he can't see where she will go to improve in future weeks. Carrie Ann says that she and Mark looked like two pros, which is really true. But two really boring pros. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Holy shit. Those are mid-season scores, for sure. Brooke says that it's the highest score ever on a premiere.

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Dancing With The Stars




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