Dancing With The Stars
Season 14 Performance 7

Episode Report Card
Kim: C | Grade It Now!
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Bad Romance

It's Classical Night! Because I am uncultured, I will not enjoy this as much as Motown Night, but I will definitely like it better than Personal Story Night. Anyway, we open with someone who's probably famous for playing the violin, and he's playing the violin! And then the troupe is all dancing while dressed up like extras from Amadeus, but with shorter skirts somehow. I should watch Amadeus again. Whatever happened to Tom Hulce anyway? He did Animal House and Amadeus and then he played the black sheep in the movie Parenthood (a role taken on by Dax Shepard in the TV show) and then what? I looked him up and it seems that he's largely been involved in producing Broadway shows. So good for him.

Anyway, it's Classical Night! After the individual dances, there will be the season's first team dances. And the first couple to dance tonight will be Katherine and Mark. They have the rumba, and they'll be dancing to "Canon in D." Is that Pachelbel's Canon? Like the wedding processional one? Katherine feels unsure about doing a sexy rumba with classical music. Mark points out that you can't spell classical without ass, and I think Mark just made me laugh for the first time EVER.

They are dressed as Ancient Greeks, I guess? Katherine looks like Helen. I think Mark is supposed to be a Gladiator, which seems more Roman, so maybe they're Roman. Like they did historical research. Mark whips his shirt off and about five women cheer. Don't encourage him, people. It is really, really weird to see a rumba to this music. Also, there is no percussion, so it must be hard to keep the beat. They do a fine job, I guess. It's flowing and there is lots of hip action. It's all just weird. And they definitely kissed at the end, for anyone who cares about such things.

Judges? Len admired that they kept rhythm even though there was no percussion, and he thought it was elegant. Bruno thinks some of their actions should have been in a museum, although he likes his rumba a bit raunchier. Carrie Ann doesn't think anyone can match Katherine's technical ability, but she didn't think Katherine's passion or heat was genuine. Well, she has to dance with Mark. He's gross. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9.

Melissa and Maks will be dancing second. After last week's dance, Maks found out that he had a cyst in his ankle and the doctor said that he could continue dancing, but it could go badly. So he pulls Val into rehearsals so that Val can take over if needed. Melissa notes that they have to learn three dances this week: their Argentine tango, the team dance and a rumba for the dance duel if needed. We don't see Val do much in rehearsals except be nice to Melissa and watch, and Maks is dancing tonight.

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Dancing With The Stars

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