Dancing With The Stars
Season 15, Performance 1

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Not Quite All Stars

Judges? Carrie Ann loves Fosse, and thinks Melissa has beautiful lines and posture, but she wants to see more body contact in ballroom. Len thought it was a little theatrical by his standards but her lines and extensions were great. Bruno loves the fluidity and thought she looked sassy and sexy, but she needs a stronger frame in hold. Well, at least I know why they're getting points taken off. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Seems like the baseline this week is 7.

Apolo is partnered with Karina this time around. His season was so long ago that I can't remember if he was actually good or not. He's short. He had a lot of energy. He still has that terrible facial hair. Why does he have it? What does it do for him besides make it look like he goes to a waxer for lady parts? Apolo and Karina are dancing the cha cha. Hmm. Apolo seems just a little behind the beat, like he's always trying to catch up. It's a fast, fast routine, but maybe they should have slowed it down just a tiny bit. Apolo does still have great hip action and arm extension. He also needs to cut his hair as it kept flopping in his face. He really just needs a personal stylist because his hair and his whatever that thing is on his face are out of date.

Judges? Len doesn't think it was a gold-medal performance, but it might have taken the bronze. The hip action wasn't great, but Apolo sold it. Bruno thinks Apolo's extensions were "exquisite," but his foot placement wasn't perfect. Carrie Ann thought it was really sexy. Really? He's like a tiny pixie. That just doesn't do it for me. Scores: Carrie Ann 7.5, Len 7, and Bruno 7.5. Overscored.

Ooh, Gilles. You are one of my all-time favorites. This time, he's partnered with Peta, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Peta does, and she thinks she's hit the jackpot. Gilles thinks he and Peta have great chemistry. I think Gilles could have great chemistry with a potted plant. He's just sexy.

They have the foxtrot, which is a great dance for Gilles, with his long arms and legs and vintage movie star looks. God, his lines are AMAZING. His arms are so graceful and his posture is also great. I fear I might be gushing. Judges? Bruno thought he had style, flash, and panache, and was so good technically. Carrie Ann says she missed him. Me too, girl! It's nice to see a guy who can dance. Len liked the balance and sophistication of the routine. Loved it. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. More than fair.

Ugh, Bristol Palin. Why? Why bother? The Palins aren't the newsmakers they once were. And she was not ever a good dancer. Ever. At her best, she was mediocre. Anyway, she's partnered with Mark again, because who else is she going to get? I would pay money to see her partnered with Maks, actually. Okay, I'll say this. She's improved. She's lost some of her self-consciousness and actually looks like she's having some fun out there. However, she's just not a dancer, and you can't make a non-dancer into a dancer. If she were starting from scratch on a regular season, she could easily make it past the halfway point, and deservedly so. But on an All-Star season? After what we just saw from Sabrina and Shawn and Gilles? No effing way.

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Dancing With The Stars




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