What is even happening this week? There are two performance nights and no results? No elimination? And also I saw on Twitter today that Melissa's head fell off during rehearsal or something? What is happening? Let's watch and find out, shall we?

Tom explains everything for me: they have to split the performances into two nights because they only have an hour for the show tonight due to the Presidential debates. Okay, that makes sense, I guess. Kelly and Val are up first and Kelly looks a lot less dramatic than last week, thankfully. She was really freaking me out last week. In rehearsals, Val explains that they need to keep up their momentum, but Kelly's having trouble with the choreography because she's working long days on General Hospital and then has hours of rehearsals at night.

They have the samba this week, and her guilty pleasure is "I Want You Back," and I think I made my feelings about this song known when the artist was on to perform it. In short, I hate it. Their routine is very bouncy, which is appropriate for a samba, and I don't see any technical mistakes, but the choreography is just kind of boring. Maybe I'm letting my feelings for the song influence my judgment. I mean, it's fine, but there's not enough acting. I didn't get a sense of the dance telling any kind of story, and that's been one of Kelly's strengths.

Judges? Len didn't like all the faffing about at the beginning and some of it was too raunchy, but there were elements that he liked. Bruno liked Kelly's spins although he thought her samba bounce was a little forced at times. Carrie Ann thought Kelly's lower body looked great but her upper body was too tense, and it felt disconnected. No one mentions the terrible song. I guess that would be bad judging form. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8.5.

Gilles chose "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston because it came out when he was fifteen and it was the first time he had "great time with ladies." So he lost his virginity to it? Anyway, Gilles and Pete are doing the rumba, and Gilles thinks their dance will cause people at home to pause the TV and go make a baby. Good Lord, let's hope not. I've got enough on my hands with twins.

Here's the problem with dancing to such an iconic song by Whitney Houston: Whitney Houston isn't singing it. So the entire time, I'm distracted by the fact that, while the band's singer is serviceable, she's no Whitney. No one is. Anyway, they go full-on Bodyguard with Gilles wearing a gun holster and Peta wearing an evening gown, and it's a lot of "Come here, go away, no come back, I can't, I must" sort of thing. You know how it goes. It's good (although I think Gilles's hip action could be better) but the song ruined it for me. That's two in a row!

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