Brooke and Tom point out that this is the first time there were three women in the finals. Fuck yeah, ladies! But first, we're going to eliminate someone. To the surprise of no one, the third place couple is Kelly and Val. Clip package of their "journey." Can we eliminate the word "journey" from reality shows, please? It's not like they strapped on a backpack and stuck out a thumb to hitchhike down the coast. Geez. It's weird not to have the show fade out after interviewing the losers. I kept waiting for the credits to start rolling. I will say, I'm glad Val made the finals. He's a great dancer who's been overshadowed by his brother and he got to come into his own this season.
And finally, it's time to find out which couple has won the All-Star season. And man, do they make us wait. And wait. And Tom gives the most vague announcement that could be either, "Now they're won two" or "Now they've won too." Turns out it's the latter: Melissa and Tony are the winners. Tony goes FUCKING APESHIT! He actually swears and they have to bleep it out and then everyone forgets about Melissa and celebrates Tony as he's surrounded. Look, I know he's waited a long time, but obviously Melissa had a lot to do with this win since Tony never won until she became his partner again. Could we celebrate her as well? Tony is freaking me out. I think he had convinced himself he wasn't going to win. Derek hoists Melissa up on his shoulders since EVERYONE ELSE is hoisting Tony up. Anyway, Tony won! Oh, and also Melissa, I guess.