I can't believe I still have to watch Kirstie and Bristol and Drew is gone. What is up with that? And Paula Abdul is the judge. It's like the show is trying to feature my least favorite television archetype: obnoxious dumb or drug-addled woman. Anyway, Brooke reminds us that the couples chose dances for one another last week, and adds that lifts are allowed. Tom introduces Paula (who has had some serious fillers added to her face and looks like a different person). After the requisite introductions and comparisons of Len and Simon. Paula speaks in her weird halting speech where it sounds like she forgot how to speak English halfway through a sentence. I think the other judges lobbied to have Paula on so they look well-spoken in comparison.
Kirstie and Maks are up first with their Charleston. Just insert my weekly rant about Kirstie's terrible gross hair here, because that's all I can look at while they are rehearsing. Kirstie looks pretty good other than that, and is happy to have a routine with comedic value. The beginning is really good, with Kirstie popping out of a cake and forcing Maks to dance with her. She gets her heels high up in the air and seems full of life. And she nails the cartwheel move she was worried about earlier. As the routine goes on, she seems to run out of steam and I think the routine was choreographed that way, because most of the ending involves her either standing still or lying on the floor. The finale is a bizarre move where she lays on Maks's knees and pretends to swim? I don't know WTF it ended that way. The first half gets an 8 from me, but the second half gets a 5. Honestly, it evoked Marie Osmond's doll dance for me.
Judges? Since we have four this week, I'm going to summarize their thoughts in one sentence. Len wanted it cleaner but thought it was really fun. Paula tells Kirstie that she's a joy to watch. Bruno loves it also. Carrie Ann thought the dancing could have been tighter, but it was wildly entertaining. Scores: Carrie Ann 7.5, Len 7.5, Paula 7.5, and Bruno 7.5.
Bristol and Mark have rock and roll which doesn't even seem like a dance style. Oooooooh, it's like '50s rock and roll, not heavy metal. They're dancing to "At the Hop" and Mark wants to dress up like a bunny. Bristol wisely tells him that it's a terrible idea. The problem is that Bristol is having trouble getting the steps and keeps asking Mark to make them easier, but Mark claims he's made them as easy as he can. So I'm watching the routine and holy shit is it basic. I mean, it's like my fifth grade dance recital. They even repeat the same part at the opening and closing and there is NOTHING complicated about any of the steps. They do a spin in the middle that seems to last forever, but it does eat up a lot of time. Mark is trying like hell to sell it with his typical overdancing but not only is Bristol not smiling or into it, she looks terrified. And her dancing isn't even in the same zip code as Shawn or Sabrina.