The cold open of the show is a number featuring all of the female pros to "Run the World (Girls)" by Beyonce. I'm still mad that NBC didn't create a highlight reel of the women's gymnastics team to this song during the last Olympics. I mean, do I have to do all the work here?
They've branded the recap of last night's episode as "Highlights of the Night." And then we swing right into some results. Aly and Mark are safe. Zendaya and Val are safe. Kellie and Derek are safe. So the top of the leaderboard is safe; no shocking elimination tonight. Ingo and Kym are safe too; Brooke totally made it seem like they were going to be in jeopardy.
The encore dance is Mark and Aly. I have the same issues with this routine that I did last night. It's a dance that seems choreographed for a woman with a body more like Kellie's or Peta's. Aly has a strong and solid body; I think it's awesome, but the dance doesn't really fit her body type, if that makes sense. It's all about a woman getting the strength to leave a man (I think?) and she seems so strong that she could just toss Mark across the floor in the first five seconds and be done with it. I'd pay to see that, actually.
Tom asks Karina and Jacoby about Jacoby's son, and Jacoby jokes that his son is pigeon-toed so he can't point his toes while dancing. Then they reveal that Karina started the dance early last night and almost screwed it up. Tom tells them that they're safe. Moving on to Sean and Peta, Sean says it's tough to start the show, and Peta says that she and Sean weren't happy with their routine because they had done it better before. They were sure they'd be on the bottom, but Tom tells them that they are safe too.
Then there's a skit about how Bruno has writers in the control room who come up with his wacky words. He doesn't. It's a joke. This would be funnier if they made that more clear; Tom has to explain it at the end.
Brad Paisley is here and thankgodfully he's not singing "Accidental Racist." Because Twitter would explode. Tony and Peta dance while he sings. So that happened.
Ooh, intrigue. People chose Val and Karina to dance together as we go to break. I think they hate each other, ever since Karina broke off her engagement with Val's brother Maks. I mean, they're professionals, so whatever, but I wonder if that happened purposefully or was just happenstance. Look, these results shows are dull. I need to take my excitement where I can. I'm certainly not getting it from Brad Paisley.