Dancing With The Stars
Season 16 Performance 5: Results

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Kim: A- | 1 USERS: B+
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In a pre-taped segment, Len dresses up like Mr. Rogers and gives a pep talk about how to get through the rigors of the competition.

More results ahead! Jacoby and Karina are safe. Aly and Mark are safe. I never thought I'd say this, but I actually kind of like how they're using the troupe this season to dance during the bumpers out to commercial breaks. It gives a normally mundane yet necessary segment more interesting and it's so short that I don't get tired of them.

Next week features the music of Stevie Wonder and I'm psyched about that, as are the dancers. There will be a team dance with Kellie and Derek heading one team and Zendaya and Val heading the other, since they are the scoring leaders thus far. Brooke reveals that Team Paso will dance to "Higher Ground" and Team Samba will dance to "Superstition" but we don't know who is on which team yet. Brooke asks Andy which team he'd like to be on if he makes it through and Andy says he wants to be on Kellie's team so that they could call it "Team Pickler-Dick." Everyone acts like he said a totally outrageous thing, and like they didn't know he was going to say that. It was funny, but come on. It's just their last names.

It's the Stars of Dance, with a contemporary routine (lots of contemporary tonight) to a performance of "Love Me or Leave Me" by Kerli. The poor girl has to play piano on a giant rotating platform while two people are dancing on her piano. And then they have to do all these crazy lifts while also on a rotating platform. That seems dangerous.

It's Selena Gomez! I can never figure out which of these former Disney stars I'm supposed to care about and which ones are actually talented. Oof, not this one. There are so many effects on her voice in this song that I have no idea what it actually sounds like. And she's not singing live, which is not a HUGE deal, but it's another sign for me that she can't really sing. She's also not a great dancer.

More results! Sean and Peta are safe. And so are Andy and Sharna. Yay!!!! I'm actually really, really happy about that. I've done a turnaround on Mr. Dick. That means that DL and Cheryl are in jeopardy. Wow, Cheryl couldn't even pull DL through. Then again, we don't know for sure that he's bottom three.

And finally, we find out which of the three couples in jeopardy are sticking around and which are going home. We find out first that Ingo and Kym are safe. Brooke announces that Victor and Lindsay and DL and Cheryl are the actual bottom two. Hmm. DL was pretty awful, and I think he's not winning any fans with his apparent lack of rehearsal time. Like, Andy's not a naturally gifted dancer but he's obviously working really, really hard and he wants to be there. I'm not sure that DL does. So will he get to go home? Yes! Oh, I'm glad. I did not want to see him dance anymore. The look on Bruno's face as DL walks down the stairs is priceless. He looks to be thinking, "Fucking finally." I feel you, Bruno.

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Dancing With The Stars

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