Dancing With The Stars
Season 4 Performance #5

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Season 4 Performance #5

Welcome to Dancing with The Stars! You know how you get a mispronunciation in your head and you can't ever not say the phrase that way? Like how I read on one of those misheard song lyrics websites that some people thought the Kiss song went "I want to rock and roll all night and part of every day" instead of "party every day"? And now every time I hear the song, I have to sing it the wrong way? Similarly, in my head, I always call this show Dancing With The Starts. Just thought I'd share.

Tom and Samantha are introducing the show, but the camera angle is really weird and makes them look like bobble-head dolls. I know most celebrities have giant heads and tiny bodies, but this is ridiculous. Anyway, the dancers come out, but I don't know what happened, because suddenly I have no sound and the on-screen text is all screwed up, like it says Ian and Cheryl but I'm seeing Billy Ray and Karina and then suddenly it cuts to Ian and Cheryl, sort of, and then they just dispense with the on-screen text all together and what the hell is Heather Mills wearing and why do I have no sound and THE WORLD HAS GONE MAD!

So I guess I officially have no sound, which appears to be a local affiliate problem. I've turned on the captioning, but given that the show is live, it's not all that helpful. Bear with me.

This week's dances are the Samba and the Rhumba. I would tell you about them but, you know, you could just go to ABC's website and figure it out if you don't know. Before we go to the dancing, they display the phone numbers of each couple once again. I have to admit that I've watched every season of this show (although not every episode) and I don't think I've voted since I voted for Joey McIntyre in the first season. Hey, I just realized that the premiere episode of this show was viewed on my living room couch in the company of Wing Chun and Sars. The circle of liiiiii-iiiiife!

Let's start with Ian. I have a confession. I think I have a crush on Ian Ziering. I know! Steve Sanders! He of the high tops and the mullet-fro! Cheryl tries to show Ian how to do a shoulder shimmy shake, but I think you really need to have boobs to completely get how to do that move. And Ian doesn't have lady lumps. Ian doesn't agree with the choreography, and Cheryl gets pissy and walks out for a minute. Dude, listen to Cheryl! She's a proven winner!

By the way, still no sound. Ooh, Ian's hair is all slicked back. I don't like it. I have to try to identify the song by the lyrics in the captioning and it's not working. Ian is kind of grossing me out with the pelvic rolls. But he's actually pretty good! The high-waisted Tony Manero pants are not a bad look for him, somehow. Maybe he's wearing a girdle.

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Dancing With The Stars

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