Dancing With The Stars
Season 4 Performance #5

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Season 4 Performance #5

Time for judging. Len claims that Joey's moves were too feminine, and they totally cut to Lance Bass. Get it? He's gay, and thus feminine! Wow, that was almost as bad as awards shows where they say something about the influence of African-American filmmakers and they cut to Halle Berry and Will Smith nodding in the audience. Bruno doesn't like Len's assessment and starts beating him up. I'm not kidding. Carrie Ann tells Joey that he overperformed it. See? Hammy. She tells him to be more subtle, like that's possible. The judges scores are 8, 8, and 9 for a total of 25 out of 30.

And suddenly, my sound is back! Yay! Tom Bergeron asks what John and Edyta will whip up this week as we are shown their clip package, and see that the judges didn't like their paso doble. I have a hard time not calling John Ratzenberger "Cliff," so if I slip up now and again, please forgive me. John rehearses the samba while wearing khaki shorts, dress socks, and dance shoes. It's not a good look. Edyta wanted John to bring in his drums to help with his rhythm, and John shows up in a kilt and then there's something about sticks.

They begin their routine to "Love Is In the Air" Edyta is wearing a feathery blue number and an Olivia Newton-John headband. John doesn't seem to have the hang of this more Latin dance; he kind of looks like he's doing the jitterbug or the polka or something. He's too hoppy. They finish with Edyta lying face up across a giant drum, and John plays the drums on her stomach. The hell?

Bruno thinks John was having fun, but that he messed up a lot of the footwork, calling it "one of the best worst sambas I've ever seen." Carrie Ann doesn't know how long they'll last in the competition, but she stands and applauds them. Oh, Carrie Ann ,with your pointless standing ovations. Time for judges' scores! They get three scores of 6 for a total of 18 out of 30.

Ooh, next week is a couples dance plus a group routine! I love the group routines because there is always the possibility for collision. Plus, people try to show off in their moment in the spotlight, and do some crazy things. Samantha keeps saying "ya'' instead of "you" as in "Ya need to make sure ya call."

Laila Ali and Maksim are up next. We're reminded that their paso doble last week was called too safe and lacked passion. Laila and Maksim do some sexy moves while practicing their rhumba, and Laila decides she had better have her fiancé come by so he knows what's up. Then there are about a million totally set-up shots of the fiancé physically moving Laila and Maksim apart, like that would happen. They start their routine to "Put Your Record On." I really love this song, and the singer for the band kind of sounds like Corrine Bailey Rae. It's technically very good, but they are dancing side by side most of the time instead of facing each other, and I wonder if that's the fiancé's fake input. Finally, at the end, they get sexy about it, and the crowd goes wild. Why is Sugar Ray Leonard in the audience? Is he the Muhammed Ali substitute?

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Dancing With The Stars

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