Nelly Furtado is back to sing another song. I really don't remember her being this nasally. Louis and Cheryl come out to dance. Boy, I can't stand Louis. I know I've said it before, but he's just so smarmy. He could give Joey Fatone lessons in being cocky, and that's saying something. I just realized that the dancers don't actually dance for the full song, which is why the cameras don't focus on them the whole time. They just showed Louis and Cheryl standing off to the side, waiting for their cue. I think Cheryl would be a lot prettier with a different hairstyle. It's too old for her.
Time for the Jimmy Kimmel segment. Ooh, more gay panic jokes! I can't wait! This week, Jimmy and Guillermo are supposed to teach us the waltz. Guillermo prays for help to "the dancing fairy" and then Master P shows up. He jokes that you just rock back and forth, and that's what kept him on the show for four weeks. Has Master P lost like a hundred pounds? That doesn't even look like him. And...that's over. Thank God. More Dance Center, less Kimmel.
Now they're going to announce a couple that is safe, and it's...Ian and Cheryl. Holy crap! I really thought they'd be bottom two. I am not ashamed to admit that I voted for the first time this week, and it was for Ian and Cheryl. I can't help it. I am a 90210 diehard. Peach Pit for life!
How about a filler segment about how much the contestants have bonded? No? Too bad! I'll sum up. They all like each other. It's hard to see your friends eliminated. Everyone hugs each other after eliminations. I like how they pretend like they cared when Heather got eliminated. The reality is that someone goes home each week, and none of them really want to go home. Except Billy Ray.
Finally, they're going to reveal the other couple in the bottom two with Billy Ray and Karina. And the first safe couple is...Laila and Maksim. Joining them in the semifinals are...Apolo and Julianne. That means Joey and Kym are in the bottom two. There's a bit of an audio glitch during that announcement, and everyone looks confused, especially Ian and Cheryl. I don't know what happened there. I blame Samantha.
So it's Billy Ray and Karina vs. Joey and Kym. They let Tom do the final announcement. The couple leaving is...Billy Ray and Karina. Oh, thank God. That would have been a travesty otherwise. Joey is not my favorite all of the time, but he has about ten times more talent than Billy Ray. A hundred times. Everyone applauds Billy Ray's hard work. I like how careful they are to avoid mentioning his talent. Tom points out that Billy Ray always said that he wanted an 8, and this is week 8. Billy Ray thanks God, who I have to believe has more important things to worry about than a goofy dancing contest. He offers props to Karina and his fans, as well as to ABC and Disney. Tom reminds Billy Ray to plug his new album, and then they do a montage. It just makes me feel worse for Karina, having to try to manage him. Tom prompts them to do one final dance, which is junior high prom style, what with the swaying. They actually play "Everybody Hurts." Oh, this show. The poor choices never stop.