Dancing With The Stars
Season 5 Performance #1: Men

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Season 5 Performance #1: Men

Oh, Tom Bergeron. He just said, "It's raining men." Who writes this crap? Tom claims that the women set the bar really high, so the men have their work cut out for them. Oh, Tom Bergeron. He just called it "Testosterone Tuesday." And it's LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom and Drew welcome us back. There's something weird about Drew's face. Like he needs to have taller hair or something. So they introduce all the women again, and Sabrina is wearing a red satin dress, and you really can't wear satin unless your body is perfectly hard and toned, which hers is not. It's not a good look. I swear, I think Jennie Garth lost weight since last night. Her face looks thinner. Maybe she saw herself on television and took some water pills because she thought she looked puffy. Tom and Drew explain that the men will be dancing tonight, in case you missed the hints in the opening with the raining men and the testosterone comments. Let's remember what happened just last night! I've already recapped this once so I'll skip it this time around. Except to say that Alec? Is pissed that Josie sucks so hard. He wouldn't even talk in his interview. He could be pissed at the judges, I guess, but I'm going to take it as him being mad at Josie because she sucks. ["Yeah, I think after getting bounced with Paulina Porizkova out of the gate last year, he thought maybe they wouldn't give him the biggest stiff since John Ratzenberger, since there does seem to be some attempt to share the wealth among the professional dancers, in terms of their partners." -- Miss Alli]

After a brief lesson on the foxtrot and the cha-cha (which we didn't see last night for some reason), there's a break before Cameron Mathison comes on. I just realized that Cameron is competing against himself, because I Want To Be A Soap Star is on Tuesday nights at 8 PM as well. Cameron is dancing with Edyta. Cameron reveals that he had a childhood disease and had to wear leg braces, and he's still a little stiff and inflexible. Cameron also continues to work full time on All My Children, so he's flying back and forth across the country to be on the show.

Cameron and Edyta dance the foxtrot. Cameron is...not that good. His upper body is just okay, and his footwork is horrible, especially in terms of precision. They try to cover it up by having Edyta do some flashy spins and slides and whatnot, but I don't think he's long for this competition. His soap fanbase might carry him a few weeks, but it depends on how horrible the others are. Len compares Cameron's dancing to a faucet, where it was smooth for a while but also had some drips. Overall, Len thought it was fine. Bruno agrees that Cameron lost it a bit in the middle, but thought it was okay. Carrie Ann was worried when Cameron started off a bit stiff, but he managed to loosen up a bit as they went on. The judges reveal their scores: 7, 7, and 7. That sounds about right, if maybe a little high. I don't think they were as good as, say, Jennie Garth, and she got the same score.

The next couple to dance is Floyd "The Best Fighter In The World" Mayweather and Karina Smirnoff. Floyd explains that he's training for a championship fight while he's also training for this show. These guys are a bunch of multitaskers! Karina tries to teach Floyd some basic steps, and he has trouble even with those. He thinks it's too difficult. Karina tells him that if he's not willing to try, he'll be the first to go home, and she stomps on outta there. Floyd realizes that he needs to be less selfish, and he apologizes to her. And then they practice harder than ever. It's like a movie from the '80s! Or The Cutting Edge.

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Dancing With The Stars

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