Dancing With The Stars
Season 5 Performance #1: Men

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Season 5 Performance #1: Men

They're supposed to be doing a cha-cha-cha, but it seems pretty hip-hop to me. Mayweather has terrible posture, anyway. He would be good on a club dance floor, but it's not ballroom. He's all hunched over. I wonder if the judges will be scared to say bad things because he might punch them. Maybe I was expecting better because everyone was saying last night that he was the biggest threat. What do the judges say? Bruno thinks Floyd has an incredible energy and sense of rhythm, but he needs to channel that into technique. Len thinks Floyd has great potential, and while it wasn't a great first round (boos from the audience), he can come back stronger next week in the quickstep (spoiler?). Carrie Ann thought it was fast, furious, and full-out, but it lacked finesse. They are not being nearly as mean as they were to Josie. Oh, don't make me feel bad for Josie! She dated David Blaine, for Christ's sake. The judges' scores are 6, 6, and 6. I concur, judges. The audience, however, disagrees. I really, really hate the "goofing around" bumper segments. They so clearly smack of the subjects discussing what "wacky" shit they might pull for the thirty seconds the camera is on them: "Hey, I've got an idea! Let's pretend to box each other. No! Even better! We'll do the wave! Hilarious!" Bleh.

Next up are Helio Castroneves and Julianne Hough. I don't know if you've heard, but Helio has won the Indy 500 twice. He has a lot of teeth. Julianne has aged since last season. It might be her Farrah hair. While they are training, Helio gets in a crash during one of his races and hurts his knee. He keeps screwing up, but he says he can't blame his knee because it's really that he doesn't know the steps.

Helio and Julianne start the foxtrot. I like that he's wearing a tuxedo with tails. It's very elegant and he pulls it off. I like Julianne's choreography; it's elegant but also has playful moments, without being cheesy. Usually. They dance to a song called "Bewitched," and at the end, Julianne does the Samantha Stevens nose twitch, which of course looks adorable, because she's like a kitten. Let's find out what the judges think! Carrie Ann thinks Helio is a natural. Bruno calls Helio "the king of charm," and like Carrie Ann, he praises the choreography. Hey, I said that too! I could be a judge on this show. Except that I don't know anything about the rules of ballroom dancing. Len also has only good things to say. They flash to the female competitors, who all look a little worried. The scores are: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9 (!), and Bruno 8. Has Len ever given a higher score than the other two?

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Dancing With The Stars

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