Dancing With The Stars
Season 5 Performance #1: Results

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Kim: C- | Grade It Now!
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Season 5 Performance #1: Results

I wonder what Drew and Tom talk about during the commercial breaks. Maybe wondering why the hell this episode is an hour long when it could easily be thirty minutes? Hey, Dolly's back to sing her new song, which is called "Time For a Snack Break." Be right back.

Kenny Mayne is back to talk about the...origins? Of dance? In a taped segment, Kenny walks on the beach wearing a blue spangly shirt. He visits Stonehenge, but can't get close. He visits "Southern Africa" which is actually Malibu, and finds some cave drawings. Ugh. I just realized this is all a promo for that Cavemen show on ABC. Blech. Kenny is better than this. Bring back DanceCenter! That was both funny and informative!

Let's find out what other couples are safe! Mel and Maks, along with Cameron and Edyta, will be moving on to the next round. Ooh, just for me, Tom just busted out with another LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Love that.

Now is the segment I was predicting earlier where the judges get to talk about their first impressions. Did you know this was the first week? And the celebrities have trained for a long time to get here? Len claims that the judges can tell who has put in the rehearsal and who hasn't. He adds that it's also important to be mentally prepared. Bruno thinks that records should be smashed every season. Len thinks the judges tell America what to think. Carrie Ann claims that a solid performance will garner America's votes because "America knows ballroom." Really? Then how the hell did Billy Ray last so long last season? Because American knew ballroom but didn't care?

It's time to learn who else is safe. Jane and Tony will be sticking around, as will Wayne and Cheryl. The only women left are Marie and Josie. Marie is safe, so Josie gets the red light. I was a little confused because Tom didn't make it clear that Josie had the lowest score of the women – it sounded like she got the lowest score overall and I was like, "What are they going to do with the remaining five minutes of show?" Anyway, the remaining men are Floyd and Mark. Floyd and Karina are safe, so Mark and Kym get the red light.

After a commercial break, it's time to find out who's going home. And the loser is...Josie. Oh, poor Alec. I feel bad for him because it was mostly Josie's fault. Tom urges Josie to take out her disappointment on the judges, which she mostly avoids doing. Josie claims she's going to keep dancing. Alec urges the audience to throw their votes to Cameron and Edyta. Josie and Alec take the floor for their final dance while the remaining stars go to learn the mambo and the quickstep for next week. Well, the most exciting thing about that episode was the tornado warning, but I don't think there is an obvious loser next week (unless someone falls down or something) so from here on out, maybe it will be more suspenseful. See you next week!

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Dancing With The Stars

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