Dancing With The Stars
Season 5 Performance #1: Women

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Season 5 Performance #1: Women

First up: Jennie "I Choose Me" Garth. I actually have a student named Kelly Taylor this semester, and it is so difficult for me to not make a 90210 crack every time I call roll. But she is barely out of high school, so I'm sure she wouldn't get the reference. In Jennie's clip package, she informs us that she's a wife (to Peter Facinelli!) and mother of three. She's been watching the show a long time. Her partner is Derek Hough, who claims that he's "not as macho" as the other dancers. Really? Is that your claim to fame? Derek heads over to Jennie's house to meet her, and Jennie announces that she knows nothing about dancing. They start practicing the cha-cha. Jennie says it's difficult for her to be the center of attention, and that the dancing doesn't feel natural to her. Derek is worried that Jennie doesn't have the confidence she needs.

And now they dance! The song is "Uptown Girl." Derek is wearing a sort-of mechanic's uniform, and Jennie has a pretty navy dress on. Good color for her. She is doing pretty well -- she even pulls off a split. Derek is really...flamboyant? That's not the right word. Expressive? With his arm movements? Not my favorite dance style. Jennie is cracking herself up, but in kind of a charming way. She's quite graceful -- I wonder if she's had ballet training. The Fac is there to cheer her on. While we're waiting for the judges, they show us the band and singers and I swear one of the lady singers was actually a dude. She might want to tone down the tranny-style makeup. Anyway, judging. Len thought Jennie had good hip action, but needs to work on her leg action. He sounds overall impressed though. Bruno has nothing but compliments, except for some advice on the leg work. Carrie Ann says Jennie needs to get a little more confident, but for going first, she did great. Backstage, Derek tells Drew that it was Jennie's best performance thus far. The judges give them straight 7s. I think the judges are being more careful about not inflating the scores so early so they don't end up like last season, with straight 10s the last few weeks. I like it.

Tom makes some gross joke about the men relaxing tonight and the women suffering from performance anxiety. Blech. Oh, Josie Maran is apparently a supermodel. She says that people might know her from some movies she's been in. No one knows her from that. They all know her because she appeared half-naked in Sports Illustrated. I think I know her from dating someone famous -- did she date David Blaine? Or someone else in the pussy posse? Okay, I looked it up, and she dated both David Blaine and Brett Ratner. I could never root for her now. Alec says he won Season One and then he was the first to go last season, and he preferred the former to the latter. Alec and Josie start rehearsing, and Alec realizes that Josie is kind of uncoordinated and also "deceptively unfit." He compares her body to Jell-O. So he makes her work out to build some muscle.

Josie is not playing to her strengths (no pun intended after that last segment) with her outfit -- it's very old-looking. Like I would expect Marie Osmond or Jane Seymour to wear it. Josie does a pretty good job with posture, but I guess that might be the modeling experience. Alec is very crotch-y. Time for judging! Len thought it was elegant, but he noticed that they did the whole routine "in hold" because Josie wouldn't do well freeform. The crowd boos. Carrie Ann thinks Josie is out of her element, but she still did a good job. Carrie Ann advises her to continue building her strength. Bruno thinks the foxtrot requires a lot of control, which Josie doesn't have. He wants her to return next week and knock them dead. Backstage, Drew advises Josie to shake it off, because Len is old and crazy. I like having Drew interview them, because he can actually empathize with what the celebrities are experiencing. I think Sam's maternity leave just got extended. Anyway, the scores are Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5. Ouch. So they get a 16 out of 30. Drew urges everyone to vote. Back to Tom, who says he's going to judge Drew's assessment of Len, and then holds up a paddle that says 10.

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Dancing With The Stars

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