I have to tell you – I got a new HDTV this weekend, and this show looks amazing, but man, do they wear a lot of makeup. Our next couple is Mark Cuban and Kym. Mark remembers being in the bottom two last week, and promises to work hard to avoid that again. Kym says that she's never been around someone who worked so hard and was so focused. Mark is a sweaty, sweaty man. He tells us that he's not ready to be eliminated. I guess he learned to shut up about how much money he has; I think that hurt his votes last week. They start their mambo to "Must Be the Money." Mark's posture is not great. He's doing a lot of mugging for the camera, which is not my favorite, but he seems to have the steps down okay. He's got a sleeveless shirt on, and he does have nice arms, but he's just gross all around as far as I'm concerned.
But what did the judges think? Carrie Ann enjoyed Mark's exuberance and says that his face was dancing twice as hard as his feet. Well, that's one way to put it. She thinks his form was not great, though. Len thinks Mark should get the prize for hardest worker, but his dancing was like a match -- hot at the top and wooden below. He does compliment Mark for dancing on the second beat. Bruno tells Mark that he has determination, even if it was "like a bulldog chasing a squirrel." Whuh? Mark and Kym head backstage to talk to Drew. Mark spouts a lot of platitudes about how coming in last inspired him to work harder, and he doesn't want to let his supporters down. The scores are: 6, 6, and 6. Ouch. That's 18 out of 30. The crowd boos the judges. Well, it's nice to know someone likes Mark.
Next up is Wayne Newton and Cheryl. WHAT IS CHERYL WEARING? She's got on a white-and-blue spangled dress cut down to her navel, and it has blue fur trim on the sleeves and hem, and then there's a white cap with blue sequins with a GIANT BLUE FEATHER coming out of it. I wore a similar cap when I took dance classes as a kid, but it was the '80s, and I was ten. And I still knew it was ugly. Anyway, Cheryl is trying to get Wayne to use more hip action in their rehearsals, and when we see Wayne's hip action I throw up all over the place. Keep it in your pants, Grandpa. So they start dancing to "Viva Las Vegas" slowed down about a million times. It takes me about a third of the way into the dance to figure out whether they're doing the quickstep or the mambo (it's the quickstep). More like the medium-to-slow step. I realize I'm like the eightieth person to make that joke. Cheryl is dancing her fool head off trying to distract us from Wayne missing steps and not covering at all. At the end, Wayne is supposed to grab Cheryl under the armpits as she faces out and spin her around, and then slide her across the floor. Instead, he totally grabs her boobs and then manages to change his grip, but lets go of her too late, so his final move comes about five beats too late and oh, it's bad. I rewound it about three times.