Remember last season, with the fainting and the falling and the repeat victory for Julianne? Well, forget that. That's yesterday's news. Now we have a new cast, and tonight we're going to see the men for the first time. Tomorrow night, we'll see the women. Ooh, they're doing this weird morphing thing where, like, Marissa Janet Winokur turns into Penn Jillette, and it's quite disturbing for many, many reasons. But it's time to kick off another season, and once again, it's LIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Tom and Samantha are back! Yay, Tom! Boo, Samantha! Well, more like meh, Samantha. And we're going to kick right off with some dancing as the pros take the floor for a group routine. The ladies on the forums are going to go nuts about Derek Hough wearing a sleeveless shirt. I'm just glad they don't have Derek dancing with his sister again, because that always makes me feel ooky. Also, Derek needs to slick his hair back better, because he keeps having to brush it out of his eyes. And Louis is back! I totally did not miss him. Although maybe taking a (forced) year off diminished some of the egotism that always bugged me about him. I find myself having to check in with my husband to see what the names of some of these dancers are. That's Edyta, right? And that's Cheryl? Hey, I'm old and it's been a while.

Tom points out the brand new pro, who is crazy sweaty (love you, high definition), and the judges, who are the same as last year. They keep mentioning the trophy, as if anyone cares. Seriously. It is the ugliest trophy in the universe of trophies.

First up for the men is Penn Jillette. You may know him from his magic shows with his silent partner, Teller. And yet, he feels that this show is way bigger than anything he's ever done. His partner is Kym, the saucy Australian minx. We get to see their first meeting, and Penn jokes that her job is to teach Sasquatch to dance. They head to the studio, where Penn is wearing hightops. Really? Penn thinks his stage experience might help him, and he suggests that they use magic tricks in their routines. Kym is impressed with Penn's progress through the weeks. In the bumper to commercial, Penn and Kym pretend to do a card trick, and...let's just say when I glanced up at the screen to see what was happening, I said out loud, "Oh. Hello, Kym's boobs." Which caused my husband no end of confusion, since my name is Kim. But enough about my personal life.

So Penn and Kym are dancing the cha-cha-cha. Kym has a giant red boa, which she wraps around Penn's neck. He manages to take a running dive under her legs, which, given that he's nearly a foot taller than her, is quite impressive. Unfortunately, it's about the last impressive thing he does in the routine. He's got the steps down, but he's completely flat-footed and just stomping around the dance floor. But he's having a great time, which has got to count for something? I guess? Even if he gets past this week, there are only so many ways for Kym to let him stand still and have her dance around him, especially with the dances where you aren't allowed to break hold. Teller is in the audience and gives his partner a standing ovation. Well, it's not like he can yell out any encouragement. What do the judges think? Len thought they were fun and entertaining, but Penn needs to work on his footwork. Bruno thinks he looked like Shrek and "the hip action was more like replacement hip action." But Bruno liked the enthusiasm. Carrie Ann compliments his energy and his attitude, because he gives a hundred percent. They head backstage for their scores. And they are: Carrie Ann 5, Len 6, and Bruno 5. I think that's about right -- many times, the judges start too high and leave no room for improvement, which renders all those 10s at the end of the season meaningless.

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