The next eliminated celeb to return is the man, the myth, and my not-so-secret TV boyfriend, Mr. Adam Carolla. And I just want to say that a lot of people in the forums, when he was announced as being on the show, were disgusted and annoyed, and the Ace Man won them over. I don't have high hopes for this return, since he admitted on his radio show that he only spent a short time rehearsing with Julianne, and they spent most of that time gossiping about Derek and Shannon, but here goes their paso doble, complete with unicycle. And, Adam still hasn't learned to point his toes, but at least he's putting a lot of energy into it. His wife, Lynnette, and his best friend Ray are shown cheering in the audience, but man did they get crappy seats. After the routine, Adam manages to plug his radio show and Julianne's CD and then gives a slightly sarcastic and yet impassioned speech about how this show is the great equalizer because the mirror ball doesn't care if you're black, white, "gay, straight, or Guttenberg," rich, poor, or whatever. He concludes by saying "God bless Dancing with the Stars and God bless America!" Oh, Adam. If only you had given that speech while you were still on the show, some people would have actually taken it seriously and voted for you. But I think my point about Adam was made again -- love him or hate him, you never know what he's going to say and that keeps it interesting. Kristi.
Before any more former contestants return, we get to hear which group of kids won, and which group of kids will have their hopes and dreams crushed in front of a live national audience. To the surprise of no one, Brandon and Brittany win, because they were better than most of the grown-ups. Their trophy is presented by some Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, which is kind of creepy because he's like 14 and talking about how excited he is and... eesh. Gross. Like would they have some Chippendales dancers come out and present the trophy to Brittany?
Priscilla and Louis are back to dance the tango. It's interesting to me how the first eliminated contestants this season seemed exactly right. Up until about... Mario, none of the eliminated couples deserved to stay another week. But there's no way Mario should have gone ahead of Marissa. I'm getting ahead of myself. I never liked Louis when he was with Lisa Rinna especially, but he really grew on me this season. Maybe it's because he cut his hair shorter and looks less like mini-Patrick Swayze.
Let's watch a clip package about Jason and Cristian's bromance, set to "Just the Two of Us," complete with lots of clips of them hanging out shirtless, and hugging. Ha ha! Because they are dudes! And they are friends! And what if they made out? Okay, that last part might just be my interpretation of the subtext. Again, why not a clip package about Kristi and Marissa's friendship? Because it's not funny when two ladies are friends? Bleh.