Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: A- | Grade It Now!
One-Armed Bandit

Three months ago, twelve stars "embarked on a journey." Let us remember our fallen soldiers: Monica, Penn, Steve, Adam, Priscilla, Marlee, Shannon, and Mario. And now we're down to four: Jason, Marissa, Kristi, and Cristian. If you had told me at the beginning of the season that Marissa would still be in it at this point, I would have slapped you. Well, I would have slapped you regardless; I just like to go around slapping people. But I would have also said, "You're shitting me!" Anyway, this week, the couples had to do a random draw to find out what routines they would be performing in this week's semifinals.

My local affiliate is running a crawl along the bottom of the screen reminding everyone that, in February 2009, analog signals will no longer be broadcast. I say to my husband, "Really? We need a crawl on the screen for something that's happening in nine months? Shouldn't that be reserved for breaking news?" He responds, "And do they really need this crawl on their HD channel?" Good point, that.

Tom and Samantha explain that this week, the judges have gone back to no lifts being allowed. Oh, make up your mind. I'm no conspiracy theorist, but I kind of feel like they changed that rule to give Jason an unfair advantage, and now they've changed it back so that Cristian doesn't get screwed over since he's their golden boy now. Len gives a little speech to the contestants about how they need to up their game this week. Kristi looks kind of terrified. You'd think this would be nothing compared to the Olympic pressure. Then again, she spent her whole life getting ready for the Olympics, and she's been doing this for like two months.

Jason and Edyta fell a little bit last week. So first thing this week was to choose their dances. Because this show can't do anything without maximum cheese-osity, they make Jason choose a tiny mirror ball out of a larger mirror ball basket. Then he has to split the tiny mirror ball in half to reveal his dances. It's kind of genius, actually. Anyway, Jason and Edyta are thrilled to get the paso doble and the foxtrot. Edyta reminds Jason that he did the foxtrot early on, so he can take the opportunity to show his improvement. Jason says he's been very tired this week, so that means it's time for the corny fake training conceit! This week, Edyta is pretending to give Jason a chalk talk about his competition. Edyta is actually kind of scary, smacking the chalkboard with her pointer. And then Edyta shows Jason a pep talk on video from Dan Marino, former Dolphins QB. Wow, I wonder why they didn't get his coach to record that? Oh, that's right. His coach is an old grouch who doesn't want him to be on the show, despite all the good it's doing for the NFL's reputation in general and the Dolphin's reputation specifically. Shut up, Bill Parcells.

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Dancing With The Stars




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