Dancing With The Stars

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Tight Pants and Ballroom

Cloris Leachman and her partner Corky Ballas (Mark's dad) are next. Buckle in, peeps. I think she just flashed her ass cheek. By... accident? Cloris's wackiness doesn't really come across in this clip package, in that she doesn't grab anyone's ass or start cursing. So it's time for the foxtrot. She's really stiff and clearly botches a move after a turn, but Corky does a pretty good job covering for her, and their turns are really nice, actually. She'll be terrible at the faster dances, but a foxtrot and a waltz will suit her fine, I think. And seriously, she's 82. I'm not saying she should get a pass, but good Lord. She gets a standing ovation from the studio audience and can't stop giggling. She walks up to the desk to hold Bruno's hand, and actually hitches her leg up on the desk while he talks, and I don't know if I could physically do that now, much less in fifty years. Cloris totally upstages all of the judges -- she leans over to "listen" to Len and he says her cleavage is distracting him. Then she sits on Carrie Ann's lap and declares that she's an orphan so people should take pity on her and vote. Oh, God. And now she's going back to see Samantha, who absolutely cannot handle Cloris. I can't wait. This could be awesome. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5. I don't know what Cloris said but she totally got bleeped and they had to cut away while she was still talking. I hope she makes it through just so I can see what she'll do.

Tom tells us that Jeffrey Ross has a scratched cornea and was advised by his doctors not to dance, but he's doing it anyway. At least that explains the eyepatch. Jeffrey is a comedian and they can't show his best material, because it's filthy. And... he's not very good in rehearsal, but he's trying. So how's their cha cha cha? Oh, it's not good. Edyta tries, bless her little legwarmers. But Jeff's basically just walking around the floor while Edyta twirls around. He does about half a move at one point and then plays air guitar. He is NEVER going to hear the end of this on the roast circuit. The sad thing is, on the first season, this might not have been so bad, but the bar has been raised. Judges? Carrie Ann is kind of speechless and can't find much good to say. She admires him coming back from his injury though. Bruno doesn't think much worked, so Jeff runs over and puts his leg up on the table like Cloris, and I think Bruno said that he hasn't got the tits. Bruno! Jeff tries sucking up to Len by saying that he's a legend and has been judging the show since it was on the radio. Len says that everyone who comes on the show is a winner. Jeff gets one final zinger: "Speaking of ball room, these pants are very, very tight." I'm sorry. I laughed. If only the show could find a comedian who's also a good dancer, I would love that season, because I always enjoy the comedians best of all, even though they are terrible dancers. Scores: Carrie Ann 4, Len 4, and Bruno 4. Jeff pretends to be happy. I might vote for him. Jeff wants to say one more thing but Tom has already started throwing to commercial so they have to cut away.

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Dancing With The Stars

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