It all comes down to this. Last night, the three finalists gave their last appeal to the viewing public and tonight they wait to see which one of them will be crowned the winner. The show refers to Warren as the Superbowl Champ, Brooke as the Magnificent Model, and Lance as the Ballroom Rebel. I don't know that I fall in line with those labels, but do I care at this point? Do you? Tom wonders if there will be one last shock when the champion is crowned. Well, a shock would be if, like, Ted McGinley won. But if one of the three finalists wins, I don't think that qualifies as shocking, unless you're setting the bar really low. Anyway, tonight is the finale, and I'm sure there will be lots of filler, and it's all happening LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom welcomes us to the finale. Samantha is wearing a truly ugly gold dress. It looks like... I can't even come up with a description. There's some sort of scallop on the shoulder. And she's way too tan and her hair kind of sucks. Hey, I'm going to have a few months where I won't get to make fun of her -- I've got to get it all out now. Samantha reminds us that the couples will be dancing one more time tonight, even though it's always meaningless because the judges just give everyone perfect scores. So the public's votes count for half of the final total and the judges' scores count for the other half. Samantha previews the episode, which doesn't sound like nearly enough content to take up two hours, but I know they'll stretch it somehow. Tom recaps last night's episode for us. I really liked the group samba. Watching it back, I see that it was really fun and everyone seemed to be having a good time. Moving on to the freestyles, Brooke and Derek can't believe that Len said theirs was the best freestyle of all time. Lance and Lacey giggle over Len trying to rap "It's Tricky." Did I mention that this one guy in high school used to call me Tricky? Because there was one day where I couldn't stop singing that song? And he was kind of like George Bush where he gave everyone nicknames? Anyway, Warren says that he left everything out on the floor.
Backstage, Samantha talks to all three couples. She asks how each couple plans to win this thing. A bit late for strategizing, no? And also, what a dumb question. Is there any answer other than, "Dance the best we can"? Brooke says that they're going to dance like it's their last dance, since it is, and Derek adds that they want to go out on a nice note. Lance brags that they'll overtake Warren and Kym, and Warren kind of gives Lance a death glare. He pretends to laugh, but come on. Warren says he'll party on the floor and that will make up the difference. Brooke just totally reached back and patted Derek on the ass. I don't think she meant to, but given her height and their position, that's what ended up happening. You know Shannon Elizabeth has a Brooke voodoo doll and has been sticking pins in it all season. Hey! That might explain all of the injuries, actually!