Dancing With The Stars

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Baby Got Booted

So did you know Jessica Simpson is a country singer now? At least she's trying real hard, and she even hits the Rs at the end of her words really hard so you understand how country she is these days. Oh, her country twang is really egregious because we've all heard her speak on however many seasons of Newlyweds and she doesn't talk like that. One thing hasn't changed; she still makes ridiculous faces like she's in pain while she sings. I remember seeing her holiday special with then-husband Nick Lachey and she sang a duet with Jewel and... I seriously thought it was supposed to be a joke, because she looked like someone slammed her finger in a car door. Anyway, in conclusion, this song blows and so does Jessica Simpson. Allegedly. Oh, and there was dancing while she sang, but it wasn't any of the regular pros, so whatever.

Samantha is backstage with Toni and Rocco, who now know they are safe. Rocco thanks his fans, and then Samantha harps on Alec's horrible singing again because she can't think of anything funny or interesting to say, as usual.

Tom is out there to reveal the next two safe couples. The first is...Cody and Julianne. The second is...Brooke and Derek. And next up is going to be a dance routine where people are wearing Christmas lights or something. Looks... interesting?

Samantha hits the talking point about how the contestants had to work so extra hard this week because they had less time. We get it! Four days but it was really only three! Message received. Anyway, this is all just a segue to explain that Len and Bruno have been dividing their time between this show and Strictly Come Dancing in the UK. Monday and Tuesday, they do this show. Right after Tuesday's show, they hit the airport and get on an eleven-hour flight to London. Len explains that he and Bruno don't really hang out on the plane because they need to unwind. So then they arrive in London and shoot the UK show, hosted by Bruce Forsyth. Bruno explains that there are fourteen couples left in the UK, so that's a lot of people to keep straight. Len and Bruno explain that they do get tired, but they know they need to perform. So anyway, they stay in England until Saturday night, when they fly back to the states. And then there's a whole weird thing where they talk about how they're a great couple and suddenly I'm wondering if Len is gay or what? I assume Bruno is; I've seen the Elton John video, people. They make kind of a cute couple! Tom makes a joke about how he doesn't understand why they get through airport security each week. That was kind of weak sauce, Tom.

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Dancing With The Stars

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