Dancing With The Stars

Episode Report Card
Kim: B+ | Grade It Now!
Girl Can't Help It

Warren is a vision in mauve. He's wearing a mauve suit and a pink shirt -- that exact color combination was on my comforter in my bedroom growing up. As for the dancing, Warren seems to be more of a frame than a dancer, and I'm not seeing the character that they promised me. He looks a bit stiff as well. I'm not seeing the joy he usually brings to the floor, although he is smooth. Judges? Bruno thought he got the character and performed well. Wow. I couldn't disagree more. Carrie Ann has a crush on Warren, and she thought it was gorgeous. Maybe my husband has biased me. Len thought this dance was going to be Warren's downfall, but it totally worked for him. Hmm. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Backstage, Warren and Kym are just thrilled. Warren was happy to tap into his softer, romantic side.

Tom teases the Misty thing again, and then introduces Cody and Julianne. Ooh. Julianne is wearing a shag wig like Carol Brady style, and it is not cute. During the week, Cody and Julianne went to Miley Cyrus's birthday party at Disneyland, and EEEEE! They talked to MIIIIIILEEEEEEY! And lots of little girls screamed. Anyway, Cody is happy to get back in rehearsals and burn off some energy with the jive. But then he does an interview where he's wearing a fedora and he pretends to shoot off a gun and then blows on it, and I realize that he might be a little slow. And also, he kind of looks like Jon Heder.

So how's that jive? Okay, this is very confusing and disturbing. First, they are dancing to "The Breeze" by ZZ Top. Slowed way down. And somehow made into a jive. And then they sort of hop all around the floor, but I'm not seeing much actual jive content. I can't tell if Cody is chewing gum or mouthing something or just making guppy faces, but his mouth keeps opening and closing. At one point, Cody pretends to play guitar on Julianne's leg and also acts like he's going to bite it? I don't think Cody understands how sex works. With a woman, at least. Then they finally do a little bit of footwork, but then Cody plays air guitar again and then it's over. I thought that sucked. And was also quite disturbing. Carrie Ann liked the energy but didn't like that Cody was mouthing the steps. So THAT'S what he was doing. I thought he was chewing gum. Len says the mouthing didn't bother him, but he thought the second half was just repeating the first part. Bruno points out how dumb the air guitar thing was. Thank you, Bruno! He thinks that Cody is talented, and needs to use that talent. Dude, Kool and the Gang is going to be on tomorrow night! What do you wish they would play? I'm voting for "Misled" or "Joanna" or "Get Down On It" or "Jungle Boogie." Basically, anything but "Celebration." Backstage, Samantha asks Cody if his fanbase has changed from being on the show, and he says that he's gotten some attention from older women. Cloris sneaks into frame and starts feeling him up. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Cloris tells Cody to speak with a deeper voice and suddenly Cody is doing a semi-racist "Hi, I'm Isaiah Jackson" type voice. Make it stop! Go to commercial!

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Dancing With The Stars




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