Dancing With The Stars

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Literally On Fire

Tom claims that the new judge, new moves, and new leader (Lance and Lacey) turned the competition upside down. How about a new injury? Oh, that happens every week. But tonight, it will be LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Samantha really loves to tell us how Michael Flatley is going to set the floor on fire LITERALLY. Plus Missy Elliott and the Pussycat Dolls. Samantha screws up the teleprompter but gets back on track to remind us that we have a new leader tonight.

Tom reviews that we had an "entertaining" hip hop dance. Well, entertaining. That's one word for it. Warren and Kym got good scores, especially from Michael Flatley. Warren likes that dude. Brooke had an injury and it showed, and yet Michael Flatley gave them a ten. So they love him too. Everyone loves him. Carrie Ann told Susan that she broke the box and Tom gave Tony a super cute high five over it. Maurice and Cheryl got the second lowest score of the night, and Carrie Ann told them they lacked chemistry. I totally missed the Bruno said "Sev-ENNN!" like Len. Aw. Bruno really disliked Cody and Julianne's mambo, and then Julianne left for surgery so now Edyta is taking over as Cody's partner. Cloris, whatever. I refuse to talk about that anymore. The judges were thrilled with Lance and Lacey's jive, and Lacey seemed kind of disgusted with the fact that they were rewarded for campy cheese. Shut it, Lacey.

Tom goes through each star and explains why he or she is at risk. We get it. I'm more upset that everyone is still in the hip hop costumes which means that trainwreck is getting another shot. And has anyone mentioned that Michael Flatley will be doing a dance where the floor will LITERALLY be set on fire?

Tom explains that normally we ask the judges who should get an encore, but because the group routine always gets an encore, we'll be seeing it again. Let's see if Susan learned the steps since last night. And the answer is... not one bit. Jesus. She is really terrible. I mean, at least she's out there trying (CLORIS!) but you'd think the choreographer would have figured out that she couldn't do the dance and, I don't know, NOT put her in the front row! Derek, Lance, Lacey, Tony, and even Cody and Warren are really good. Cheryl and Maurice are serviceable, and Kym is good too. So dump Brooke, Susan, Cloris, and Corky (who could be good but he's not allowed to dance since he's Cloris's partner) and do a real hip hop routine. I would love to see it. I love the music, and that's the type of dancing I did in high school (because I'm old like Brooke, apparently, and I only wish I looked like that), and it brings back memories of going to teen dance clubs and requesting "Joy and Pain" and "2 Hype" and "I Go to Work." Oh my God, I just recovered a repressed memory of my senior year in high school where, for a public speaking class, instead of a final speech, I did a final rap. Of "I Go to Work" by Kool Moe Dee. And I'm a white girl from the sticks. There were dance moves. DANCE MOVES. WTF is wrong with me? Let's all just pretend that never happened and move on.

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Dancing With The Stars

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