Dancing With The Stars

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DeLay of Game

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that sometimes feels like it never ends. Weren't we just watching Gilles and that gymnast chick? And suddenly it's an all new season with more contestants than ever before, which just means more chaff we have to sort through to get to the wheat? I mean, every season there are really only maybe five or six that matter and sometimes it feels like we'd all be better off if they eliminated like ten contestants by week two and then let the actual good contestants compete longer. So tonight it's just the men and tomorrow night it's just the women, and then two couples (not ten) will go home on Wednesday night. And it'll all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!

Ugh, "The Boys Are Back in Town." Did anyone else ever see that bit where Triumph the Insult Comic Dog went around the Grammys or some such event and tried to get people to sing along with this song? And Melissa Etheridge was awesomely into it? That's all I can think of when I hear this song now. But this show, of course, chooses to do the most literal interpretation of the song possible and have all the male pros out there dancing together. And look, the pros are talented, and I do dig when they all dance together, but as an opening number to the entire season? I don't know. I guess it's better than the Michael Jackson/Patrick Swayze tribute numbers that you know are coming up. Anyway, that's all we get of the male pros tonight, since it's the amateur men/pro women night tonight.

The couples are introduced and make their entrances down the stairs, but I'm going to save my thoughts for when each couple dances. Except to say that Kelly Osbourne is way taller than I thought, and seriously adorbs. Love her already, but I've always had a soft spot for her.

First up for the night and the season is Aaron Carter. He's allegedly had a bunch of top ten singles, but I don't know any of them. I only know him from that horrible Carter family reality show that was on E! some time ago, and because he looks like his brother Nick but with meth face. I'm not saying he's on meth; he's just got meth face and needs to gain like twenty pounds and get some color. And when someone on this show looks pale, you know it's a problem, because they are not stingy with the spray tan. Aaron's partner is Karina, she of the recently-broken engagement to Maks, and man am I sick of hearing about that, so this is the last time I'll mention it. In rehearsal, Karina works with Aaron to get his hip movements right, and he won't shut up about how hot Karina is. We get it. You're straight.

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Dancing With The Stars

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