Dark Angel
Fuhgeddaboudit

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Fuhgeddaboudit

The camera pans slowly up Max's legs, which are clad in fishnet stockings. She's also wearing a short leather skirt. What is with each episode starting out with Max all dressed up? I guess the network heads insisted that Max show more skin or something. I wonder how Jessica Alba feels about that. I wonder how Michael Weatherly feels about that. Anyway, Max applies lipstick as, offscreen, Logan tells her that she needs to get to the club soon, or else Fat Tony and his crew will have already "hooked up with their goumadas." I'm not sure how to spell that word, but I'm sure that Sars, with her Sopranos recapping skills, can fix it if I got it wrong. ["It's usually spelled 'goomar' or 'goomah,' I think but it's possible that they spell it differently in the dystopian future." -- Sars] Logan explains to Max that it means "girlfriend," which is a kind way of putting it. Logan tells Max that she's supposed to meet up with some guy named Doug, also known as Books, who is an accountant for the Sparacino crime family. Books was supposed to rat on the Sparacino family to Eyes Only, but he backed out. Max laughs at Logan's mobspeak and says that she understands that her mission is to "flip Dougie." I just noticed that really cheesy Italian music is playing in the background, like something from an Olive Garden commercial. Max walks out in her sexy outfit, complete with platinum wig, and asks Logan what he thinks. Logan replies, in a deep voice, "Fuhgeddaboudit." Oh, Lord. Although if this were one of Aaron's Sopranos recaps, the Start-to-Title time would be really short.

Max eats dinner with the Sparacino family members, who are some stereotypical wiseguys. They tell her about their waste management business, and Max pretends to be really ditzy. They all raise a toast to the Pulse. Max thinks they are kidding. The wiseguys explain that the Pulse made crime rates go up and police corruption more prevalent, which is only good for their business. Max asks one guy what his position is in the business, and he explains that he is the accountant. Another guy says that Doug "cooks the books…er, keeps the books." These are the most inept wiseguys ever. What self-respecting Mafia denizen would speak so openly about his business, and each person's role in that business, in a public place? Doug suddenly puts chin to chest and starts snoring. Max looks puzzled, and the guys explain that Doug has narcolepsy. The head guy, Tony, wakes Doug up because there are ladies present. A chick walks up and thanks Tony for calling her a lady. Tony tells the chick (Mia) that she needs to "scram" because the boss doesn't want her around Books. Mia thinks that Books should make that decision, and Books hesitates, and then tells her to scram as well. Mia asks who "the skirt" is. Why are all of these people talking like they're in a Raymond Chandler novel? One of the wiseguys tells Mia to "beat it." Mia walks away, and then pauses to talk to the waiter, who walks over and "accidentally" spills his tray of water glasses on Max. Tony stands up and threatens the waiter, who insists that it was an accident. Max announces that it's okay, and she'll just go to the ladies' room and dry off.

Max enters the ladies' room just as Mia walks out of a stall. Mia apologizes for the water-dumping incident, and Max accepts. Mia asks if Max is "Dougie's new girl," and Max says that she's not. Max meets Mia's eyes in the mirror and stares for a minute as sparkly music plays. Suddenly, Max starts speaking in her normal voice, and confesses to Mia that her name is Max, and that she's on an undercover mission for Eyes Only to get Dougie to turn on his bosses. Max even tells Mia that she is genetically engineered, from Manticore, and covered her bar code with make-up. Mia confesses that she is from Manticore too, and that she's "Psy-Ops." Mia asks Max to tell her who Eyes Only really is. Max shakes her head and says that she can't. Mia accepts this, and then asks Max to forget about Dougie for tonight. Max yawns and agrees to that plan. Suddenly, Max realizes that she's said too much. Mia tells her that she won't remember, and Max asks, "Remember what?" Mia says cheerfully, "Remember to powder your nose!" So Mia was doing some sort of mind control on Max. Interesting. Except, not really.

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Dark Angel

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