Once upon a time in the not-so-distant future, people had to wait on line for gas. Because in 2019, Jimmy Carter has been re-elected president. Unfortunately, all those years with Habitat for Humanity have not helped him with a national housing policy, because it looks like the set was built by "The Borrowers." Anyway. Sketchy and Max are waiting on line for gas. And as Sketch's pasty face and greasy hair appear on the screen, I realize that I haven't seen him in a while. And for this I would like to thank the writers. Thank you, writers, for heeding my hand-wringing and tear-filled pleas, and for noting my prayers made prostrate before the television. Thank you, writers, for doing away, however temporarily, with the Jam Pony subplots. So, for now, in gratitude, I will dutifully transcribe the idiocy gushing out of Sketchy's mush mouth.
As noted above, Max and Sketch are standing on line waiting for gas. Sketch opines that they're going to run out of gas before he gets there. He sighs and mentions that he really needs new shoes. Max rolls her eyes and points out that the line is for, you know, gas, not shoes. Sketchy says he realizes that, but some guy promised him a pair of bike tires if he scored a couple of gallons of gas. Max looks confused. Or constipated. Or, uh, something. And says that she thought Sketchy needed shoes, not bike tires. Sketchy agrees that he doesn't need bike tires, but Herbal does. Max says, oh, and Herbal has shoes? Oh, no, Sketchy says, that would make this conversation relatively short and not nearly painful enough to suffice as penance for the uppity girl who recaps the show. So Herbal doesn't actually need tires; he needs a waffle iron for his lady. Original Cindy needs tires. Ah, so OC has a waffle iron? No, Normal has a waffle iron. Which he's going to swap with OC for some lingerie. Then OC will trade the waffle iron with Herbal for the tires. And then through these machinations somehow Sketchy is getting his shoes. But, I must say, I listened to this damn conversation twice and I still have no idea how shoes play into it. Who has the shoes? Where does…oh, forget it. Why do I do this to myself? It's just not worth the synapse use. So Max mulls these systemics over, then looks up with eyebrows akimbo indicating confusion and asks, what does Normal want with lingerie? Sketch shakes his head and says that he is a businessman, he doesn't ask questions. The truck that he and Max are sitting on drives off, and Sketch sighs wistfully and asks the universe at large, don't you just wish you could get away for a few days? It's called Calgon, Sketch. And it's got to be just as easy to get as new shoes. And, really, just between us, you could use the bath. It looks like the Exxon Valdez crashed and washed up on your hairline. Max, who is busy gloating that she's getting out of town for a few days, won't tell you, but I will. Take a bath, Sketch.
Cap'n is calling his super friend Detective Matt. Detective Matt is still talking to the Cap'n? Even after that unfortunate jumper-cable interlude? Detective Matt must be really well paid for his "friendship." Cap'n EO is digging for information about some protestors that disappeared when the city government imposed martial law after the Pulse. I hate that word "martial," because it reminds me of being in a spelling bee in sixth grade that was being broadcast over the airways, because, hey, who doesn't like to listen to a good spelling bee every now and then? So the spelling bee was on and I was in the final round, because I was a spelling machine in sixth grade, and anyway, my turn came up and the word I was told to spell was "martial." But the clue was "the music was very martial" -- a clue which, even today, I do not understand. I mean, martial arts, even martial law, but martial music? So,= I said that the correct spelling was "marshal," because, why not? They're homonyms. Anyway, I was obviously wrong, and now I harbor a hatred towards all things "martial," or "marshal." So, uh, back to the show, where Detective Matt says that he thinks the martial law protestors were…disappeared…by the, uh, police? Detective Matt is paid for these highly educated opinions? Detective Matt is obviously still bitter about the jumper cables. Cap'n EO says that he may be able to prove that theory. I mean, the theory about the police death squad. Not the theory about the jumper cables. He has a lead on a cop who may have been there and is now hiding out in a small town on the coast. Can Detective Matt get him some sector passes to go see the guy? Oh no, says Detective Matt, there ain't no way I am enabling any of your do-gooder schemes that could possibly end up with me getting hooked up to jumper cables again. You could hock all the Norman Rockwell paintings in your whole fugly painting collection and you still couldn't pay me enough. Besides, the sector police have really tightened the borders. Nobody's getting passes. Well, till next time then, Detective Matt. Oh sure, Logan, really happy to help. Cap'n EO hangs up the phone, disappointed. He doesn't notice Max standing there at all until she wallops him with the gas canister. He looks grumpy and asks her where she's heading off to. She looks grumpy and says that "they" are heading somewhere, doesn't he remember? They talked about it last week? Fresh air? Dizzying heights? Hiking in the Cascades? She whacks him with the gas can again. Um, ow, stop that, Cap'n EO says. And, if you didn't notice, things have changed since last week. He rolls over her toes for emphasis and points out that, unless she is planning on rolling him off Mt. Rainier, the hiking trip is off. Max sighs and says, okay, okay, forget the dizzying heights. What about the country air, though? Campfires? S'mores? Cap'n EO says that he has work to do and, besides, she isn't leaving town without sector passes. That last one causes Max to launch into a hissyfit about hanging upside down outside of police HQ for an hour, and something about horking and how much she hates horking. And, not to point out the bleeding obvious or anything, but hasn't Max been out of town without sector passes almost every freaking episode? I'm just saying. When Cap'n EO sees the sector passes, he pops a wheelie and packs his bag. But not because he suddenly wants to vacation, oh no -- he wants to visit a certain former police officer.
Oh, hello, creepy credits.