Episode Report CardAmorgan: D | Grade It Now!
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The Soldier Max Bike Tour and Philosophical Lecture Series culminates with her arrival at the bustling bike messenger center. A fellow with a Jamaican accent is getting in trouble for the boss for ruining a client's attempt to send his mistress expensive underpants. (I love that word, "underpants." Say it a few times. You'll love it, too.) The boss rides Max for being late to work, to which she replies that she was on call. He makes a crack about her being on call in bed (grrr, tiger!), oh -- asleep, and she says, "I don't sleep." So now we know. She doesn't sleep. No wonder she's fallen victim to faulty logic; this little lady needs a nap, stat. She picks up her check and asks for Theo's check, too (the sick, sweaty man from two paragraphs ago, you remember). Normal (that's the boss's name) tells Max to tell Theo that he's fired if he doesn't come in to work tomorrow. What a mean, mean man. That's why he's wearing Buddy Holly glasses and a cowboy shirt with a bolo tie. Only mean people wear stuff like that. It's the mark of a villain. Watch today as you visit your local record store or 7-11. You'll see. Max gets the check and makes saucy-sauce of Normal's threat to Theo, then pays a visit to her friend, Original Cindy, in the locker bays. Original Cindy is not only a bike messenger, but also a les-been. (This show, by the way, rocks for including all manner of diversity in its character assortment, with an almost-conspicuous lack of self-consciousness or self-congratulation. Woo hoo!) Max and O.C. watch as their co-worker, Sketch, nuzzles with a lovely, wholesome-looking young lady. O.C. comments that the lady is being wasted on fellows. The couple come over to say, "Hey," to Max and O.C., and to offer them cookies that the wholesome girl, Natalie, made for her and Sketch's ten-month anniversary. Um, barf? Yes. Barf. But that's the point. Well done, James Cameron. Thankfully, television scenes of food riots interrupt this saccharine depiction of young love, followed by a pirate broadcast in which a fellow known as Eyes Only ('cause his broadcast just shows his eyes looking at the camera while his voice dishes political dirt too shocking to be sold on the newsstands) gives the scoop about one Mr. Edgar Sonrisa. The whole messenger center gathers around the tube to listen. Sketch says Eyes Only is "deep," but Max gives some cynical speculation that he's "on the hustle, like everyone else." 'Cause she's down like that, yo. We now get to follow Max on a messenger run -- woo hoo! She ducks down an alley at the sight of a hovercraft-looking thing that is, I guess, a floating, cruising surveillance system. Then she rides an elevator up into an office building, voice-overing the whole time about how the Pulse screwed everything up for rich America, and about how she doesn't really care, 'cause she's, you know, hard. As she's making the delivery, she uses her telescopic super-badass super-vision (I told you it was important) to spot a treasure trinket behind the mirrored window of a building across the street and several stories higher. Um. Anyway. She then makes note of an entrance to the building that seems to be a couple floors above the trinket. These notes taken, she darts across the street, duct-tapes the lock part of a ground-floor door so she can get in later, and pow, she's a thief! That other door, the one high up, it's still important. A girl has a right to use more than one door, you know. Jeez.