Dark Angel
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Amorgan: D | 1 USERS: A-
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Witchblade Runner
Back from commercial break, the show reopens in the childhood Army facility (I gotta come up with a good name for that place. Give me a few, I'll think of something, I swear) where a bald kid falls down in a series of convulsive fits that strangely resemble Max's morning bathroom seizures of the present day. Oh, good. The camera cuts to Max's adult hand, shaking and trying to get pills out of a bottle, just to make sure I make the connection. Thanks, guys! Cut back to young Max hiding her shaking hands under her blankets so nobody sees. She hears noises down the hall, pads down in her bare feet to spy, and sees the convulsing kid being autopsied (not convulsing anymore, of course). The autopsy is being observed by the Head Bad Guy. He sure is sinister. And he is drinking coffee during an autopsy. Yuck. The music in this scene is all discordant and scary, with sounds of screams sort of filtered in subliminally. Scary, no? Yes. Present-day Max washes her face and looks at herself in the mirror, wondering why they didn't make her lips just a little smaller, if they could engineer all that other stuff so well. When she emerges from the bathroom, she has a brief talk with her roommate, chastising her for using the motorcycle as a clothesline. Max waves a pair of white thong underpants (hee) around to make some kind of point, but then a cop busts in and asks if there are any squatters living in the building. This is a cue for Max to give him a cup of coffee and a wad of cash. He leaves after ogling the ladies for a moment, and Max reveals that she spits in his coffee every single week. That vixen! Squatting in a building and disrespecting authorities. Whatta gal! After the cop leaves, Max gets ready for work, then stops to drop off a paycheck with sick neighbor Theo. He's gotten much sicker, his wife says, and mentions that she took him to the hospital again. Max goes into the sickroom to visit Theo, and he tells her that he knows what he's got, and that the VA hospital is giving him "that medicine" that Mr. EO says is no good. Max tells him not to believe everything he hears on TV, and then speculates that Mr. EO is just a bored rich guy sitting in a "trick apartment," trying to scare everyone for fun. She is so hard, yo! Then she tells him that she'll see him at work tomorrow (ha). She stops to reassure Theo's wife that "guys are the weaker sex," (nice one, right in front of an impressionable six-year-old boy) and that Theo's just being a big baby, not dying of Balkan War Syndrome. If Max was a DJ, her name would be DJ Smuggy Smug.

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Dark Angel

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