Dark Angel
Pilot

Episode Report Card
Amorgan: D | 1 USERS: A-
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Witchblade Runner
Oh, smart me, I edited out all but the Texas-centric Ford pickup truck commercial. Go, Texas. Yay. Back from commercial break, Max agrees to pretend to be Natalie when Lydia the Homewrecker comes to bust Sketch for cheating. Natalie is at her parents' house, conveniently. So Lydia comes in, all ho'd out with long fake red nails and about one tube too much red lipstick. She's got a sexy voice, kind of, but in that I'm-making-my-voice-too-low-'cause-I'm-trying-to-be-sexy kind of way. Max is dressed in Natalie's floral clothes and standing in Natalie's filled-with-stuffed-animals apartment. YUCK! What kind of sick virgin-whore drama is being played out on my TV screen? I feel itchy. Oh yuck. Sex, don't forget, makes women bad. Ooh, Lydia's got a tattoo. A really ugly, bad one. Max tells Lydia that she forgives Sketch, and that they're getting married next month. Lydia throws a whole bunch of cheese all over the place, then tries to hit Max, thus prompting Max to push Lydia over the balcony of the apartment and dangle her over passing traffic until she says, "Uncle." Actually, she makes Lydia say, "I understand," to a long list of directives that Max makes up on the spot. That Max, she's so wise. Later that day, Max and Sketch walk along a crowded city street. Sketch is frisking around, telling Max how great she is and how "that psycho" got what she deserved, until Max gets her last nerve walked on and throws Sketch up against a wall and tells him that he's completely selfish and makes him say that he understands, too. Grrr, tiger. Max is so tough and so wise. She really is a Dark Angel. (Snarf.) Later that night, in a laundromat far, far away (okay, it's probably really close), Max's private detective closes up the shop and leaves for the night. As he walks out, a man dressed suspiciously like a snow-Nazi from Max's days of yore drops from the ceiling and makes for the back office. Unfortunately for everyone, Mr. PI forgot his keys and has to go back inside, thus causing the snow-Nazi to beat the holy crap out of him and take everything out of his wallet. Take everything out of his wallet? Maybe it's just a cover-up to make it look like a robbery. Hm. Things are getting complicated. At the same time, in Max's apartment, Max comes home from a hard day of bike riding, her makeup still fresh and dewy, her hair still bouncy and shiny. She strips down to her sports bra and lies back on the couch to enjoy a little TV, when she notices the cat statue that she tried to steal from Mr. EO upon their first encounter. The statue is sitting on top of her TV. She sits bolt upright, and then the next shot is of Max dropping into Mr. EO's house, all kinds of pissed off. I wonder if she used the building across the street's metal hook to fly herself across like last time. 'Cause that door that she taped open last time isn't taped open anymore. Hm. Questions, questions. Anyway, Mr. EO is expecting her, apparently, because he's lighting some candles on the table as if he's getting ready for a romantic dinner. She accuses him of being a total creep. He apologizes. They banter. But know that what they are really saying is, "Um, hi. I find you really attractive. Would you go to bed with me?" He asks her to come into another room so he can "show her something" (um, something in your pants?), and they stand in front of a great, big mirror for a while.

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Dark Angel

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