Dark Angel
Proof Of Purchase

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Kim: B- | 1 USERS: A
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Proof Of Purchase

We open with a scene that is a total rip-off of the introduction of Wolverine in X-Men. In case you haven't seen the movie, it means that there are bunches of seedy-looking people in a seedy-looking bar, cheering on a fight taking place in a ring which is surrounded by a cage. Normal watches and cheers as two men beat the crap out of each other in the ring. A jeans-wearing man beats a bald man, and Normal is upset -- apparently, Normal bet that the bald man would win. A woman walks into the ring to announce the main event, with a grand prize of $5,000. The champion is undefeated, stands six feet ten inches, and weighs two hundred sixty pounds. His name is Sam "The Mangler" Miller. The challenger hails from parts unknown, stands six feet even, and weighs one hundred seventy pounds. Hey, it's Alec! He's calling himself "Monty Cora." Normal bets $300 on Alec. There's no way that Alec is ten inches shorter than Sam, no matter how many camera tricks they use to make it appear so. Sam threatens Alec, Alec cracks wise, Sam decks Alec, and the match begins. Alec uses his super speed to gain the advantage, and wins the match with an uppercut. Alec is declared the champion, and Normal is happy.

In the locker room, the announcer lady asks Alec why he's retiring. Alec says that he has bigger plans for his life, and will use the money to get started. The announcer lady says he knows where to find her if he changes his mind, and leaves. Alec turns to see two men in black looking at him. He asks what they want, and they hit him with a stun gun, knocking him unconscious. Blackie steps up and tells the goons to take Alec out the back.

Max and Logan make dinner in Logan's kitchen. Logan tells a story involving the mayor, a drunken escapade, a hooker, and the title to the mayor's car. I'm sure your imagination could come up with a better story than the one he actually told, given those details, so have at it. Max heads over to the stove to stir some sauce. She uses the stirring spoon to taste the sauce, and then puts the spoon back into the pan. Logan turns and realizes that Max just contaminated the sauce, since he and she can't swap any fluids or Logan will die. Max joins him in that realization moments later. Logan assures her that they can just turn up the flame to kill any bacteria, but Max isn't taking any chances as she angrily dumps the pan into the sink. I hope Logan has a garbage disposal, because otherwise his pipes are going to back up. Max is all angry that they can't even have dinner together. Logan points out that Max can still eat the sauce, and that he has other things that they can eat. She is kind of being a baby. Max says she can't do this, and walks out. As she leaves, she and Logan sadly put their hands up to the frosted glass in the door, the only way that they can "touch" now.

Someone or something sits outside a house numbered 542. Inside the house, a photographer takes amateur photos of a woman in lingerie, ironing. Then he wants pictures of her vacuuming. What the hell kind of porn is this? Please note that she's vacuuming a leather (or vinyl) sofa, which seems kind of pointless. The woman hears someone outside, but the photographer tells her to relax. Joshua bursts through the door, and in his surprise, the photographer's camera goes off while pointed at Joshua. Well, that was convenient. The photographer tells the woman to call the police. Joshua keeps yelling, "Where is he?" On the phone, the woman is being told to hold, because there is no one available to take her call right now. It's good to know that in the future, 911 is still a joke. Joshua runs through the house looking for "him," and the photographer slams Joshua with a baseball bat. The blow has little to no effect. Joshua knocks the photographer down and then runs out the door. The woman asks what that thing was. The photographer looks at the picture he took (I guess he was using a Polaroid camera) and says that that's a good question.

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Dark Angel

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