Dawson's Creek
A Family Way

Episode Report Card
Sars: F | 3 USERS: C-
YOU GRADE IT
A Family Way

Previously on Dawson's Creek: Gale speculated as to why Gretchen took time off from college; Jack injured his shoulder, and Andie tried to get him to see the silver lining; Mr. Brooks grumped at Dawson; Joey wanted to stay in Capeside with Pacey, but Pacey said he'd planned "to be wherever [she is.]"

Fade up on the kitchen of the International House Of Fishcakes, where Gale "Georgette Hamilton" Leery, wearing yet another Delia's creation that shows way too much bony, crepey cleavage, tells Mitch "The Flash" Leery that she's fine. The Flash points out that "fine" people don't spend the afternoon in the bathroom puking. "But I'm fine now," an exasperated Gale tells him, bustling around the kitchen. Dawson "Grease-feratu" Leery says that, while he's not taking sides, Gale won't get better unless she gets some rest. Gretchen "Ben Olds Five" Witter comes in and reels off a list of bar-related headaches, and Gale in response reels off a list of solutions, ending with, "And tell my husband and my traitor son to get off my back!" She hams it up with a damsel-in-distress hand to the forehead while Dawson and The Flash shoot her worried, oh-those-womenfolk-and-their-tarn-fool-hormones looks. Gale huffs out of the kitchen; The Flash follows her and tells her to go home before the customers all catch her stomach flu and the restaurant gets sued. "He's right," Dawson shrugs. Gale says she gives up, she'll go home, and she stomps off all beleaguered. The Flash mutters angrily that he told her to go to the doctor last week; Dawson observes that Gale had the same thing The Flash had, but The Flash's "didn't keep coming back." Gretchen PSAs the telltale signs of early pregnancy for us, and when the male Leerys confirm that Gale has shown them all, Gretchen says that it sounds like Gale will feel a lot better "in about nine months." As a production assistant begins feeding a cat tail-first into a wood chipper, Dawson and The Flash exchange a stunned glance before turning to stare at Gale, who grunts, "What?" Dawson gives The Flash a "now what?" look. The Flash gives Gale a "well well, little lady" look. I give my stomach lining a "please don't hurt me" look.

In an upstairs hallway at Reconciliation Ranch, Dawson and The Flash make small talk while waiting for Gale to take a home pregnancy test. Ew. It's one thing to have your husband pacing around outside the bathroom, but...your son? That's not appropriate. After a failed attempt on The Flash's part to make nervous conversation, Gale emerges from the bathroom with test stick in hand: "It's...pink." The Flash smiles and grabs Gale in a hug, but Gale barely returns the embrace, instead looking apprehensively over The Flash's shoulder at Dawson. Dawson inspects his fingernails. The Flash blathers about getting Gale to a doctor to confirm the results, which Dawson takes as his cue to wander off, still scrutinizing his cuticles, and when The Flash asks in a puzzled tone where he's going, Dawson explains that he's late; it's his first day painting Mr. Brooks's house. "Well, aren't you going to say anything first?" The Flash prompts him. "Congratulations," Dawson says flatly, flicking a contemptuous eyebrow at his parents and stomping off in his XXXL cargo shorts. On Cape Cod. In November. Shut up, Dawson. Gale smiles blearily at The Flash. They hug. The Flash looks concerned.

In a wicker loveseat on the porch of the PB&B, Joey "Underwire Transfer" Potter and Pacey "Blue Hawaii" Witter mack noisily. Pacey pauses, and Joey pantingly asks why he stopped. As she paws his shirtfront, Pacey expositions that every day they make out, and every day at a certain point Joey stops the out-making and they watch TV for the rest of the afternoon, so today Pacey's "issuing a pre-emptive strike." Joey isn't having it and tries to keep kissing him, but Pacey tells her to stop, joking, "Haven't you ever heard the term 'no means no'?" Not from him, she hasn't, and she busts out her best cross-eyed flirtatious smile, but it doesn't work. "Well, you're hearing it now," he tells her, and he gets up and smoothes down his pants and suggests that they just go inside and watch some TV, and he walks inside with a big old blue-balls gait. Joey follows him and says she can't believe that she's offered him "her lips in the spirit of teenage lust" and he'd rather watch the E! True Hollywood Story on Danny Bonaduce "for the fourth time." First of all, don't knock the Danny Bonaduce programming block. I live for that crap. Second of all..."lips"? I don't want to tell people how to live their lives, but after several months of dating, kissing and clothes-on grinding isn't going to get it done, Joey. It's time to get your hands dirty, if you know what I mean, and I think you do. ["I don't. Oh, wait. Now I do." -- Wing Chun] Pacey tells her that she "always get[s] to stop it," but this time he's stopping it. "Stop it, Pacey," Joey snaps. "I just did," Pacey says, but Joey rolls her eyes: "You know what I mean." "And you know how I feel," Pacey shrugs. Joey regards him for a moment before asking if they're having a fight. Pacey says no, not that he knows of, but he kind of avoids her gaze. Joey says it feels like one of those times where he says he's kidding around, but he's actually not. Pacey tells her glibly, "I assure you, everything is perfectly all right." He smiles tightly, belying his words. Joey smiles tightly back.

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