Dawson's Creek
A Perfect Wedding

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Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now!
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A Perfect Wedding

Props to Emgrrl, Slinky, and Sars.

For once, it's a good thing that the WB provides "previously on Dawson's Creek" scenes since I barely remember what happened the last time this fool show was on. Oh yeah, Jen broke up with Ty because he treated her like a ho. Oh yeah, La Filmette (tm Emgrrl) cruelly dismissed Dawson's crappy-ass movie. Oh yeah, Joey's dad got out of the slammer. Now I'm up to date.

This week, we start out in the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where the final moments of Dawson's masturpiece -- Rachael Leigh "She's Not Even in the Same Zip Code as All That" Cook rowing her boat on the creek -- are playing on the TV in his room. As the screen goes black, Dawson "It's Not Oatmeal" Leery turns to Mrs. Flash, whose leathery visage, under her poodled hair, cracks into a huge grin, and who says, "Dawson, that was...very impressive. It was moving, it was funny, it was real --" Dawson scoffs, "You're saying this because you're my mother." Mrs. Flash protests, "No, I'm not! You are incredibly talented!" Dawson rightly remarks, "You are incredibly biased. You know what? I had such a distinct, clear vision for this movie. I saw every moment; I heard every word of dialogue. I guess I just failed to translate that vision onto film." He then wonders aloud as to what will happen if he can never translate any of his "visions" to film. Mrs. Flash tells him, "The trick is to stay tenacious, and not let any minor -- and in this case, very minor -- setback derail your vision." Dawson tentatively says, "I suppose I could re-edit it...." Mrs. Flash, a little too fast, exclaims, "There you go! Your film may not be Citizen Kane, but it's not Bride of Chucky either." Dawson pouts, "The way my film teacher described it, you'd think it was the worst, most expensive piece of junk ever captured on film." Mrs. Flash gets up off the bed, sighing, "That is just one person's opinion. And, um, speaking of teachers at your school..." and of graceless transitions, "how's your father enjoying his new profession?" Dawson says, "He likes it, I think. It's kind of weird to see him in the teachers' lounge consorting with the enemy. You really miss him, don't you?" Mrs. Flash says, "Lately more than ever." "Lately?" Too much information! Dawson says, "If you know what you want, maybe you should take your own advice." Mrs. Flash says, "Maybe," and wanders out as the mewling opening credits begin.

Over at Bessie's Bastard Barn -- Now With Ex-Con! -- Mr. Pothead is making scrambled eggs in the kitchen as Joey "Jo Jo Junior Shabadoo" Potter comes sneaking around the corner in her usual slouching posture. He tells her he's glad to be home and that he never knew making breakfast for his daughters could make him so happy. Joey says she thought she was going to wake up and find out that the night before had all been a dream. He tells her he's home to stay, and that he's not going anywhere, ever. That seems to me to be overstating things a bit -- not to mention tempting fate -- but who am I to spoil their reunion?

At that moment Bessie "Inexplicably Southern" Potter blows into the kitchen (carrying Alexander "Bodie's Brat" Potter) and announces, all Basil Exposition, "Hey, Dad, I was just thinking that with the catering, and expanding our hours, our finances are going to be straightened out in no time." Mr. Pothead tells Joey that he and Bessie were up early "scheming up" ways to make money. "Scheming" seems like an odd word choice for a man so recently sprung from prison, but, again, whatever. Bessie tells Joey that her friend Pam is getting married this Saturday and her caterer fell through, blah blah blah and they'll be serving Icehouse fishcakes at the reception, if Joey can get her friends to work as servers. Joey reluctantly says she can. Bessie hands Alexander to Mr. Pothead and gushes, "Isn't this exciting? I mean, we're finally on our way to getting out of debt!" If this single gig is going to make all the difference in their financial lives, I would like to know (a) what the hell kind of huge, bloody expensive wedding is this? (b) what kind of food the staff of the freaking Icehouse would serve at such a schmancy event, and (c) what miniscule amount of debt the family is carrying. Some of these questions are addressed as Joey mutters to Bessie, "Are you sure this is a good idea? We're not an upscale catering business; we grill cheeseburgers." Bessie, unruffled, replies, "Don't worry; with Dad's help, we'll be fine." Mr. Pothead adds, "We're Potters. We're quick studies and we always land on our feet, right?" Joey does not ask, "Is that what you did when you were thrown in the clink, Pops?" Bessie carries Alexander off and Mr. Pothead says, "Joey, I'm the father. It's my job to do the worrying. Your days of worrying are over." Joey looks...distinctly worried. He says, "I missed you so much," and hugs her. She says she missed him too. He says they're a family again. Bessie nods. Alexander sucks a whole lot of milk and even more air out of his bottle. Joey scuffs her feet.

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Dawson's Creek

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