Props to KR, Strega and Sars.
Following the usual televisual Cliff's Notes, tonight's episode opens with Pacey "Dobler" Witter crossing the threshold of the Sanctum Dawsonorum, saying that he came over as soon as he got Dawson's message. Dawson "All-Bran" Leery is pacing the floor manically, I guess as a physical indication that he is, as he says, "freaking out" because it's almost midnight, he's about to turn sixteen, which is not, in his mind, the "major turning point" Pacey believes it to be. Au contraire, Dawson says, "I am eternally lost as a species on this planet." Note to the writers: Stringing a bunch of 25-cent words together nonsensically is not the best way to denote a character who ostensibly has an intellect advanced beyond his years. Dawson's last line didn't even approach meaning. Pacey rightly predicts that "this is going to be bad." Dawson continues: "I'm about to be sixteen years old in a matter of minutes and I am still me -- the same whiny, adolescent, big-talking, little-doing loser that I was a year ago." Pacey starts to disagree, but Dawson -- and all the readers of this site -- shout him down and, for once, take Dawson's side as he goes on while gesticulating wildly with, for some reason, an artificial arm: "It's absolutely true. Think about it. Every single person that I know is growing up and moving forward in some way. All right, Joey is busy finding herself, you've got this whole stable, do-gooder boyfriend thing happening, Jen...is...not necessarily moving forward but at least she's moving. Even my parents are starting new lives! And me, I'm in the exact same place that I was last year at this time." As Dawson heads into the closet -- and hey, that would be a move forward -- Pacey tells him again that turning sixteen is cause for rejoicing. Dawson remains unconvinced: "There doesn't seem to be anything ahead of me but more of the same. I'm stagnant; no wonder Joey dumped me. The only thing that I accomplished last year was realizing my feelings for her [which was really more of a discovery than an accomplishment, if you ask me], and I couldn't even hold on to her. She dumped me. For a gay guy. And can we please talk about this whole gay guy/straight woman thing? There's gotta be something going on there that we're not seeing." I'd venture to suggest that gay guys generally know how to style their hair and thus are more presentable in public, but whatever. Pacey sarcastically -- and rather wearily -- agrees that it's all part of the evil gay plan to keep the species from repopulating itself. Dawson tells him he should keep a close eye on Andie, rather an insensitive remark in light of the fact that her brother is the "gay guy" in question. Pacey tells Dawson that he needs to stop looking for answers to life's questions in the movies: "What you need to do is figure out what it is that you want, and make it happen. Okay? Be definitive." Dawson agrees, and squeezing a disembodied head in his hand (presumably a prop from his first movie) makes him realize that "Joey is the answer. I had her, I lost her, and now I'm going to get her back. How's that for definitive?" As Paula Cole's vocal stylings swell in the background, he tosses the head to Pacey and takes off in his coat. Where is a sixteen-year-old going to go at midnight? Damn permissive Cape Cod parents.