Dawson teeters into the kitchen. The Bride of Flash is putting his cake -- which is decorated to look like one of those movie clapper deals with "Our Hero" somewhat misguidedly written on it -- on the table and says she was just about to call him. Dawson says, "Time to make a wish?" Bride of Flash, acting like no mother who ever lived (with the possible exception of Bebe Buell), quietly asks, "Dawson, honey, have you been drinking?" Sadly, this opens the door for Dawson's "dramatic" display of a drunken lack of inhibition in front of all his gathered friends and well-wishers.
It hurts me to do transcribe his ramblings -- and in order to spare myself, I'm trying to ignore the wild flailing of his arms -- but this is what he says: "Time to make a wish okay. Make a wish. A wish. I wish that my mom never slept with her co-anchor. I wish that my father could stop talking about getting a job and actually go out and get one. And I wish that the two of you would stop your petty bickering and at least pretend to be the adults around here. I wish that my best friend Pacey would just end this transformation into do-gooder, 'A' student and all-around sanctimonious teen angel and just go back to doing what he does best, which is make me feel good about my life because his is supposed to be worse. [I have to interject here that even as Dawson has been on the earthbound side of the Pacey/Dawson teeter-totter, he has still managed to remain the most sanctimonious prig on this or any show. Just so that's clear.] And there's Jen Lindley with her drunkenness [at this Jen glances around quickly in horror, as if to say, "Hey, pot. It's Dawson. You're black."] and her revolving boyfriends, and her wild, wicked ways. I wanna party with you! Ah, and there's Jack McPhee. Jack McPhee, who likes guys but doesn't mind stealing my girlfriend. Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, starring in his very own version of In & Out. He's in, he's out. He's in, he's out. He's in, he's out. In, out! Nice hair, by the way. And then, of course, there's my Joey. My sweet, precious Joey. The only sixteen-year-old in the world who needed to find herself. You know what? That's okay. I accept that. You need to find yourself, and I accept that. [At this point, Dawson starts crawling around the room and calling out, "Joey? Joey?" as if he were trying to find her in the room. Joey glares at him as if to say, "Ha ha, not."] There she is! It's my Joey! Joey!" and then he grabs her and kisses her somewhat intrusively, at which she throws him off her and head first into the cake. Awwww yeah.