Thanks to Mister Patrick Leswick, LuluB, Trooper6, Skeets, Kisle, and Wing.
And so begins Sars's last wrap of Season Two, for an episode in which not much at all took a rather long time to unfold. Fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where Dawson "Count Schlockula" Leery agonizes over his essay question while Casablanca plays on the VCR. Nicole "La Filmette" Kennedy has assigned an essay on the following topic: "Compare and contrast Humphrey Bogart's character arc in Casablanca to one of your own life. Use examples." La Filmette seems to have forgotten that Dawson wouldn't know a character arc if it crawled into one of his giant nostrils and nested there, but anyway, Dawson starts to tap away on his laptop about the character arc of Miss Kennedy, "sadistic film teacher-slash-father's new girlfriend," and types a few snide comments about the way she punted his movie for the extra point while referring to himself as Miss Kennedy's "helpless nemesis," and then he hits Ctrl-A and deletes the whole thing as the camera pans a circle around his product-placed Snapple lemonade. Dawson runs his hands through his hair, at a loss for both inspiration and correct blocking; meanwhile, The Flute Of Melancholy that seems to crop up in half the scenes on this show tootles away in the background. After Dawson whines about feeling the need to please people who dislike him (i.e. everyone), Joey "Right Soul, Wrong Mate" Potter tells him not to get his knickers in a twist: "It's your film final, this should be a no-brainer for you." Dawson non-modestly responds, "I know." Shut up, Dawson. Joey suggests that he interview somebody, and Dawson decides to "present [his] film final on-camera," despite the fact that this brilliant idea has not thing one to do with the assignment as outlined. Dawson wants to interview Joey for the project; Joey tells him to forget it. Dawson tells Joey that she has "gone through changes this year" and therefore she has a character arc; Joey says that Dawson has already immortalized her on film once (i.e. once too many times), and she doesn't want him to do it again, so he can "find another sucker -- uh, subject." Like, ha ha. Not. Dawson tries once more with "the camera loves you," and Joey pretends to fall for this by agreeing to say something, and she leans into the lens and says, "Good luck," and then she grabs her stuff and kisses him goodbye and leaves as Dawson does his imitation of a Fraggle frowning wryly.
Dear God in heaven, please let them re-shoot the credits for next season.