Hey, did you hear? It's the Countdown to Goodbye! Dawson's Creek is finally calling it quits! Whee! Ahem. I'm sorry. Was that too enthusiastic? ["I'm sorry -- I did so many cartwheels in a row, all the blood rushed to my head and I couldn't hear you over the roaring in my ears. What did you say?" -- Sars]
Anyway. Last time on Dawson's Creek: Dawson came to Audrey's rescue, despite that fact that the last time he saw her, she drove a car into his house. Blandy and Jen finally got it together and made out. Pacey remembered that Old Pacey was actually a fairly decent guy. Jack kissed TGED. And Audrey sobbed that she was ready to go to rehab after severely beating a guy with a mullet. The guy had a mullet, I mean. She didn't hit him with a disembodied mullet, or something. Although that would have rocked, in a surreal, acid-flashback kind of way.
Pacey and Jack stand in the middle of…somewhere…looking at something off-screen. Actually, thanks to the way my sofa is situated in relation to my television, it sort of looks like they're looking at…me! "My God. She is gorgeous," Pacey breathes. Why, thank you, Pacey. You're really too kind. I'm not even wearing any makeup! "Even I can appreciate that," Jack drools. Well, my goodness. Thank you, Jack. This blue sweatshirt is pretty flattering on me, isn't it? But bless your little heart. "And this one? She knows how to turn on the fun," Pacey tells him. Not to be immodest, but it's true. I do know how to turn on the fun. "Can you afford her?" Jack asks. Excuse me? I'm not sure what kind of a girl you think I am, Jack, but I assure you that price has no place in my relationship with Pacey. "Please, Jack. Do not tarnish this moment with talk of money," Pacey asks. Thank you, Pacey. "I'm just saying," Jack says. "I must have her," Pacey says, "therefore, I can afford her. Her, and all of her little toys, too." Well. This is getting a little kinky. Joey ambles up behind the boys and gives me a real once-over. "What are you guys even going to do with something this big?" she asks. Excuse me? What exactly are you insinuating, Joey? Are you calling me fat? "I mean, it's kind of grotesque," she adds. Grotesque? I may have put a few pounds on over Christmas, but "grotesque" seems a little uncalled for. "Not to mention the fact that Emma's going to freak when you drag it through the living room," she says. Drag? I had no idea that Pacey was into the caveman thing. I mean, he's cute and all, and he's certainly been sweet-talking the hell out of me here, but I'm not sure if I'm into that. Pacey turns to her with a quizzical expression as the camera pulls out to reveal that he has not, in fact, fallen in love with me, but with what is, by all accounts, a mighty big TV. I'll take that as a shout-out. Jack caresses the television with more passion than he's ever put into any of his love scenes. "This might be the most blatant display of capitalism I've ever seen," Joey says. Pacey shakes his head. "Don't be threatened by something you don't understand, Joey," Jack says. Seriously. That TV is gorgeous. Jack wanders off to find a salesperson as Joey drags Pacey away from the television set. As he goes, he waves at me. I mean, "at the television." Frankly, I sort of liked it better when he was in love with me, fat jokes, caveman behavior, and insinuations of prostitution notwithstanding.
"Aren't there better things you could be doing with your money?" Joey asks, as she and Pacey walk through the Best Buy. Pacey keeps picking up boxes of electronics and tucking them under his arm. "You mean, like funding your drug habit?" he snarks. Joey tilts her head and grins at him. "Come on, we're talking," she says, and then tells him that she's very impressed with the way he's turned out. "It's not the suit and it's not the high tech toys," she says. "It's how you got yourself to this place. How far you've come." Pacey stops and smiles down at her. "Not too far, I hope," he says. Joey furrows her brow. "Are you really worried about that?" she asks. Pacey just wonders if he'll ever be able to go back to being the person he used to be "Because he was actually a pretty good guy," he reflects. "You still are, Pacey," Joey tells him sincerely. She tells him he's always been this "madcap genius," just waiting for his potential to kick in. "It just kicked into overdrive," she smiles. "I'm proud of you." Pacey grins. "That means a lot coming from you, Jo," he says. Joey glances over at the television. "But if you think I'm going to sit in your apartment and pay homage to that thing, you're sorely mistaken," she announces. And she pronounces the "H" in "homage." Pacey whines that "it won't be a party without her." Joey assures him that she's coming to his party that evening. She's in dire need of "cheer and libations" since Oliver left, she says. Pacey nods sympathetically and tells her that she's got to stop the "support and inspirational thing. It doesn't work for [her]," he says. Joey grins and tells him not to make her regret all her "sentiments of pride." Pacey promises that he won't, as long as she comes to his party. It'll be good for her, he says. "And it really would mean a lot to me if you could accept her. As one of our own," he says of the television. Joey snorts at this, and pokes him in the abdomen. She waltzes off to check out the I-Pods. Pacey watches her go, dreamily. He stillllllll looooooooooves heeeeerrr!