Outside, Dawson slumps down the front steps, then grabs a pair and heads back up the steps, but as he reaches the porch, the light goes out inside. Oooh, faked out! "See ya, Joey," he murmurs, deploying The Nostril Flare Of Lost Love, and we go to commercial.
I see that someone has finally clued Jennifer Love Hewitt in on the correction pronunciation of "cleanser." Killing her would have accomplished the same thing, of course, but I'll take what I can get.
Fade back up in front of the Ryan Home. Jack and Jen present Dawson with a cell phone as a going-away present. Dawson's like, "You didn't," and Jen says they thought he should have one in LA, and Jack cracks that it's that or a Beemer, and Dawson says they shouldn't have and it's too much, and Jack tells him to calm down because they could only afford, like, five minutes of air time. Heh. Dawson thanks them very nicely. Awkward pause. Jen tells the boys to "get it over with" and hug, so they hug all manly-style clapping each other on the back, and Jack tells him to have fun and "stay cool," which "shouldn't be too difficult," and the "writers" wisely decide to have Dawson say, "Why, 'cause I was never too cool to begin with?" and Jack's like, "You said it, not I." Hee.
Jack makes to head home -- and where does he live now, anyway? I guess we have to assume that, in the world of the show, Angry lives on, forever on business trips or parking the car or taking a nap or decomposing quietly in a third-floor closet. Anyway, it's time for the Jen/Dawson goodbye. There's a "geography is destiny" comment from Jen. There's prating from Dawson on the subject of how the next-door-neighbor gig "worked out for the best," and there's reminiscing about how Grams used to terrify The Original Three, and there's a limp To Kill A Mockingbird reference, and there's yet another reference to the pilot. Awkward pause. Hug. Then Jen says, "Okay. Go. Get the hell out of here -- walk across that lawn, have a great life, and never call me again." Hee! Preach it. Dawson unfunnies about how that would confirm Jen's "worst fears about men," and Jen's like, "Yeah, except that we never slept together," and Dawson fake-smarms, "You got five minutes?" Pffft -- yeah. Ten seconds for the actual deed, and the remaining 4:50 for Jen to douche repeatedly with lye and then stab herself in the heart with a fork. But Jen says, "For you? Always." Oh, Jen. Shut up. Please? More "farewell, dear friend"-type gazing before Grams interrupts, and there's more blah-blah-ing and more hugging, and Jen heads inside, but she turns back to watch Dawson XXXL-ing across the front lawn, and she eyes Ingrate Inn wistfully before heading up to the Ryan Home porch. Oh, the flute, she longs for days gone by.
Dawson enters the kitchen to find a Mac laptop open on the kitchen table. Yeah, because the computer store stayed open until, like, ten at night so that The Flash could once again give in to his son's brattiness. Whatever. The Flash, lurking in a doorway, says that it's not the most practical choice, but it looks cool. "Cooler than the T-21?" Dawson asks softly. The Flash scoffs and comes into the kitchen, then switches gears to say that he knew he'd "be sad to see [Dawson] go," but he didn't expect not to want Dawson to go. "Son or not, Dawson," The Flash goes on, struggling to smile when he would clearly prefer to bawl, "you are one of my favorite people." Aw. The Flash obviously needs to get out more, but -- sniff! I know, I know, but when dads get emotional and dork out as a result, it gets to me. Dawson swallows the lump in his throat, and they hug. Then The Flash asks if he's covered everything, and they have unfunny banter about condoms and doing drugs and whatnot, and The Flash makes Dawson swear he won't join a frat, and Dawson promises. Hee. The Flash sits down and gets all in Dawson's business about saying goodbye to Joey and "what it was like." Dawson bitters that he had too many expectations of it, and calls the moment "totally, completely underwhelming." The Flash makes a big point of dispensing one last piece of fatherly advice to Dawson "before [he leaves] the nest," and booms dramatically, "It ain't over…till it's over." Dude, tell me about it. Oh, you meant their relationship. Sorry. Dawson's like, "That's it?" The Flash: "It was all I could think of." "Major demerits, Dad," Dawson cracks. Oh, give him a break -- although I think my dad's parting words of wisdom involved avoiding any dining-hall entrée with "surprise" in the name, which served me well in my four years at college, but then, my dad has good writers. Anyway, The Flash giggles. So does Dawson.